Filipino Drivers are The Devil's Own

I remember what they said before, that Filipino drivers are the best in the world. I'd agree with that, but I have to add that we are to be the best because we have to be the best. We have to be the best in the same way the gazelle has to run the fastest in the savanna - anything less will lead to horrible results.

It's like this. In other countries, driving is a mechanical thing. You read the signs, people obey the road protocols, and you get to where you need to get to by following a specific set of instructions. Granted, it's entirely possible for a gerbil to drive in other countries given enough Pavlovian training.

In our country, one can only dream of such a luxury. To put it simply, driving around in our roads is a systematic gentleman's game of chicken. Right of way is decided by who thinks he can push the envelope of safety to its limits. You think you can take that lane before you collide with the other car's bumper? Feel free.

If you're a driver, you goddamn know what I'm talking about. A driver in this country will have to have a 360 degree awareness of his surroundings at all times. Hell, motherfucking Yoda will have a hard time keeping up with the force, traffic enforcers to be precise. After years of driving, you get a certain degree of awareness that will let you sense - yes, sense - cars that get too close in your car's area of comfort. It's like the martial artist's sense, applied to a car.

On any particular road, there are buses and jeeps diving in and out of lanes like they're dive bombing the sidewalks; motorcycles squeeze between lanes; people are wantonly crossing the road frogger style; there are holes in the road that will destroy your suspension; and if it's raining, half of the damn road is filled with turbid water. Our roads make driving around a war zone feel like a Sunday cruise. At least in a battlefield, if you hit anything, it's collateral damage. Around here, if you hit anything, it's always your fault, and that's thousands of pesos of reparations out of your pocket.

For a Christian country, the Philippines truly has Christianized roads - as in they're so Christian, driving around will make you a prayerful lot (and say Jesus, Christ, and God a lot in a very fervent manner)

And like I always say, "If you can't take the heat, take the jeep."