Yet Another Misinterpreted Sign

Warning: Do not rejoice until you've climbed the bricks and jumped onto the flag pole.

Warning: Staircase may contain ninjas with small heads. (who can do kung-fu)

Caution: Follow Mr. Miyagi's plans on flat surfaces only.

Falling back first on jagged spikes may cause fatal injuries.

Today Is A Good Day

Let's spend it trying to explain what this picture is all about. Because quite frankly, I think I've just lost my mind.

A Dark Day

It was a dark day, when the Counterterrorist forces showed they weren't interested in making it fair for the terrorists. There was no hope, not after they started playing around with sv_gravity and other server physics. "Fucking worldspawn!" says Ahmed just before gravity returned, 10x the normal.

Rugby Kids

Here's something that's been bugging me for quite some time now. Why is it that I only come across kids using rugby and solvent? Is it like the Happy Meal of drugs? Did the druglords of the Philippines meet one day to discuss how they'll expand their marketshare?

Druglord 1: So, we're here to meet today to discuss potential new niches.
Druglord 2: We're running out of washout actresses already. There's no more space up Heart Evangelista's nose for more crack.
Druglord 3: There's always Pepe Smith...
Druglord 4: He barely compensates for the drugfree rockbands nowadays. All they care for nowadays is mansex. Cueshe, damn it. Cueshe!
Druglord 1: Everybody focu - Goddamnit, Druglord2 no smoking pot until AFTER the meeting.
Druglord 2: My bad. I'm having withdrawals.
Druglord 1: So anyway, what market isnt taken yet?
Druglord 3: Nerds?
Druglord 4: And have Microsoft and Sony as competition? Fuck it.
Druglord 3: Congressmen?
Druglord 2: Jebus, don't you watch TV? That's already a saturated market.
Druglord 1: Hmm... wait. I think I have it. Kids!
Druglord 2: You mean, like, those things that appear if you don't use condoms often?
Druglord 4: Apart from burning sensations when urinating.
Druglord 2: Sooth.
Druglord 1: Yes, kids! They're basically like normal addicts, with less tattoos and body hair.
Druglord 3: You cant even make those little shits eat normal food.
Druglord 1: Then we'll make it out of something fun.
Druglord 3: Like?
Druglord 1: Uh... glue?
Druglord 4: That's it. Number one's lost it.
Druglord 2: Yeah, how do you make them like those things? Rugby stinks like hell.
Druglord 3: Well, now that you've mentioned it, so does the McDonalds Burger Mcdo.
Druglord 1: And if they can be made to like that, they'll like rugby too.
Druglord 2: Genius.
Druglord 1: Okay, so we'll make this the "druggies for kids".
Druglord 2: Perfect.
Druglord 1: Any objections?
Druglord 2: It's cool already. Are we done now?
Druglord 1: God damn it, man. You and your pot.
Druglord 2: I need my fix.
Druglord 1: If you pull that shit one more time, I swear to god I'll reveal your name. Quit being so damn high and maybe you'll make something sensible out of your life.
Druglord 2: Fuck you, nobody can ever know I'm the director of Resiklo!
Druglord 3: ...
Druglord 4: ...
Druglord 1: ...
Druglord 2: Ah fuck.

So there.

Free Standup Comedy Classes (HK)

Free Standup Comedy Class : Learn How to make People Laugh
Feb 23 2008, Sat, 2-6pm, conducted by sir Jami Gong

registration required, send an email to jamigong(++@++)gmail.com

www.takeoutcomedy.com
TakeOut Comedy Club HK, 34 Elgin St, Soho

(Elgin Street is a popular tourist spot for fine dining and nightspots, to get there you can take the midtown escalators in Central)

TH X - The annoying kind.

Here's a partial list of shorthand abberviations of "Thank you" and "Thanks" I've gotten in my 3 years of working from various people in both companies I've worked for (no less than five people, all of them from HongKong):

"Tnks"
"Tnk"
"Ty"
"Tyty"
"Tnx"
"Thx"
"Tks"
"Thz"

Let me just let this one out. Is "THANK YOU" so long a damn phrase that it can't be typed as a whole when expressing simple gratitude towards whoever helped you out? >:[

Sometimes I think whether people still bother to think about whether or not people on the other side of the damn correspondence understand what they'e trying to say. Or maybe they just mash the keyboards half-mindedly and pray to whoever god they're worshiping that I understand what they're trying to say?

These sorts of things should be filed under the crime of mild verbal abuse already. I'm sure everytime somebody uses an obscure invented abberviation to further shorten the word "thanks", whoever taught that guy English dies a little bit.

Linguistic cancer people. Let's fight it.

Girlfriends

You know you have an overjealous girlfriend when every girl you look at merits a "WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" comment from your girlfriend. Even when the girl you're looking at is no other than your girlfriend.

You know you have a paranoid girlfriend when you get blamed for something you did, even if it only happened in her dream the previous night.

But then you know you still love this girl no matter what when you find yourself apologizing for whatever supposedly monumentally stupid thing you did in her dream, while silently cursing the you living inside her dreamworld.

Girlfriends.

(all items posted in this article are totally fictional. I swear. Please don't hurt me next time we meet.)

Manila Ocean Park Review

Manila Ocean Park is set to open on February 24, after more than two months delay from its original December opening. Located behind the Quirino Grandstand in Luneta, it's actually almost walking distance from our office so I might drop by when I get the time. (or swimming distance if I'm feeling athletic and willing to get cholera from swallowing Manila bay water)

In this picture: Lots of graphics from the game SimCity 2000
Not in this picture: What Manila Ocean Park actually looks like

Park admission fee is 400 pesos for adults and 300 for children which kinda says to the fish and other animals there that unless visitor numbers pickup, they will be starving to death, eating their own floating fishcrap.

Opening hours of Ocean Park are from 10AM to 6PM. Fish, apparently, need their beauty rest too. We have an aquarium at home, I guess they're the Chinese sweatshop equivalent of fish, because unlike Manila Ocean Park's fish, they actually have to swim 24/7 (we have a cat to ensure they're doing just that)

Anyway, the park also features a marine open water habitat, where you get to hangout with fish for the low low price of half a leg. Before you could only imagine what it was like to wade around in waters filled with creatures that you've never seen in your entire life - oh wait. Chances are you already have, during rainy season, pag lumulusong sa baha.

(17:08:21) Anna: pede ka magsnorkeling
(17:08:26) Anna: ang kasama mo bangus saka tilapia

Wouldn't it be interesting if they actually made a replica of the ecosystem of our rivers? It'd be filled with 90% Janitor fish and naked kids taking a bath in the water, jumping off bridges. (but then again, at 400 pesos entrance fee, these animals will starve)

Even better, they should make a Dampa resto just outside. That'd be cool and freaky at the same time, because for one you could be eating something that came from inside the park - although for another, there's probably a reason why what you're eating is no longer inside the park. (like AIDS)

As with many things in this site, I am once again reviewing something without actually ever stepping into or watching (or both) whatever I'm reviewing. Don't blame me. Blame the damn website for posting computer generated floorplans instead of posting ACTUAL pictures of the place despite its being finished already (or so they say). Please don't tell me they're actual shots already, and that when you go inside you'll get to see the WindowsXP aquarium screensaver instead. >_< style="font-weight: bold;">Fast Facts:

Park Name: Manila Ocean Park
Opening Date: Feb. 24, 2008
Park Hours: 10Am - 6PM
Ticket Prices: 300-400 (children/adult)
How to Get There:

1.Look for Manila Bay.
2. Keep swimming north.
3. Avoid US Embassy Guard outposts.
4. ???
5. Profit.

Happy Valentines!

Tomorrow, we'll cut off the heads of various defenseless living things and put them on various kinds of plastic wrapping and potteries filled with water. Then we send them to people we care for, because hey, nothing says "I care for you" like dead things as gifts. Dead things that somewhat suggest "you could be next, don't waste time. let's f*ck"

Happy Valentines to you and your imaginary girlfriends. Remember, if you message your imaginary girlfriend and she replies back - you've found yourself a keeper.

And a mental disorder.

Red-visory

Dear Sir,

Thank you for visiting my site. I am not sure how my site ended up as relevant to your search for knowledge but granted that you're already here, I might as well answer your question.

No sir, it is not normal to do so. For one, it's not normal to be jerking off in a public restroom. But that's the least of your worries.

At age 48 and beyond, in your heart attack-prone years, jacking off is no longer a recreation. It's an extreme sport, just as likely to kill you as aggressive inline skating in a swimming pool filled with water.

Although it will make interesting coffee talk on your funeral, getting caught by Death waxing the funlog is nothing short of ruinous of a well-decorated lifetime career of handiwork.

My last tip? Give it up. Find a new hobby. And stay out of my website.

Cheers,
Red "I don't support wanking in public restrooms" Kinoko.