Looking for your eyes
I believe in love forever
夢と言っても君いらっしゃるしたら
足袋発露(?)ぴったりと合いに行きましょう

目の中その遠い旅に出なければならないと
コピー(?)花が咲く時ならいらっしゃると言ったんです
花は咲いてまた負けるのに君を見られないですね
月様に消息伝えてください
私今行っていると

一汗また一汗に真心をつくします
雲に甘い傾いて夜が冷たい時
冷える巻くことと身とかすかな抱くことはできなくても
この服が私を代わりをするから
君をしっかり抱いてやるから

華やかになってまた至高
胸にプルモング(?)入って
You said you love me in your life, but you're so far away

解いてまた解いて
私の心が実紐になって
君に触れることだけできたら

Cashing In on The Imaginary

Every now and then I get these ideas that I think, if worked on hard enough, could make me very rich - but for some reason don't. Take last night for example. I thought of three things:

1. Nerds like making up imaginary girlfriends, but apparently, they suck at it.

2. Imaginary things cost nothing to make.

3. It's hard to make people but what you're faking unless somebody helps you out on the ruse.

4. Anything is profitable in the internet.

If an asshole can go up to Ebay and auction off his soul and get real money for it, I thought as I made those four points, maybe I can do better (just slightly better, but still better)

So I thought I should start selling imaginary girlfriends online. For the nerds who lack a social life and an imagination. Fake pictures, fake accounts, even fake chat sessions. For the times the gf needs to be introduced online in chat conferences, we'll hire or recruit voluntarily some roleplayer to act like the girlfriend. Long story short, we'll help some poor feller fake his lovelife.

It's hassle free. The guy who avails of the service can pretend he's got a long-distance relationship going on with this hot girl from Davao and in effect shut everybody around him up about his "almost being gay". After he gets tired of the girlfriend, he can break up with her and wipe his hands with kleenex - no attachments or guilt!

The market for this service is almost infinite, as we all have at least one friend who keeps on saying he's already got a special someone who is thousands of nautical miles from where he is, though nobody's ever seen the girl before, and all he has are pictures of some random girl that doesn't have the guy in it (or badly photoshopped in)

Sounds like a good idea eh? I thought so too. And then my (not-so-imaginary) girlfriend googled about it, and found this:

http://www.imaginarygirlfriends.com/

There's always that one asshole a step ahead of you no? But I'm not giving up. We'll one up the service by providing imaginary harems. With legions of imaginary women at your pimptastic disposal.

For a very low price you could be the guy in the middle,
minus the half-naked hero pointing at your mantits.

Interested? I know you are.

Yet Another Misinterpreted Sign

Warning: Do not rejoice until you've climbed the bricks and jumped onto the flag pole.

Warning: Staircase may contain ninjas with small heads. (who can do kung-fu)

Caution: Follow Mr. Miyagi's plans on flat surfaces only.

Falling back first on jagged spikes may cause fatal injuries.

Today Is A Good Day

Let's spend it trying to explain what this picture is all about. Because quite frankly, I think I've just lost my mind.

A Dark Day

It was a dark day, when the Counterterrorist forces showed they weren't interested in making it fair for the terrorists. There was no hope, not after they started playing around with sv_gravity and other server physics. "Fucking worldspawn!" says Ahmed just before gravity returned, 10x the normal.

Rugby Kids

Here's something that's been bugging me for quite some time now. Why is it that I only come across kids using rugby and solvent? Is it like the Happy Meal of drugs? Did the druglords of the Philippines meet one day to discuss how they'll expand their marketshare?

Druglord 1: So, we're here to meet today to discuss potential new niches.
Druglord 2: We're running out of washout actresses already. There's no more space up Heart Evangelista's nose for more crack.
Druglord 3: There's always Pepe Smith...
Druglord 4: He barely compensates for the drugfree rockbands nowadays. All they care for nowadays is mansex. Cueshe, damn it. Cueshe!
Druglord 1: Everybody focu - Goddamnit, Druglord2 no smoking pot until AFTER the meeting.
Druglord 2: My bad. I'm having withdrawals.
Druglord 1: So anyway, what market isnt taken yet?
Druglord 3: Nerds?
Druglord 4: And have Microsoft and Sony as competition? Fuck it.
Druglord 3: Congressmen?
Druglord 2: Jebus, don't you watch TV? That's already a saturated market.
Druglord 1: Hmm... wait. I think I have it. Kids!
Druglord 2: You mean, like, those things that appear if you don't use condoms often?
Druglord 4: Apart from burning sensations when urinating.
Druglord 2: Sooth.
Druglord 1: Yes, kids! They're basically like normal addicts, with less tattoos and body hair.
Druglord 3: You cant even make those little shits eat normal food.
Druglord 1: Then we'll make it out of something fun.
Druglord 3: Like?
Druglord 1: Uh... glue?
Druglord 4: That's it. Number one's lost it.
Druglord 2: Yeah, how do you make them like those things? Rugby stinks like hell.
Druglord 3: Well, now that you've mentioned it, so does the McDonalds Burger Mcdo.
Druglord 1: And if they can be made to like that, they'll like rugby too.
Druglord 2: Genius.
Druglord 1: Okay, so we'll make this the "druggies for kids".
Druglord 2: Perfect.
Druglord 1: Any objections?
Druglord 2: It's cool already. Are we done now?
Druglord 1: God damn it, man. You and your pot.
Druglord 2: I need my fix.
Druglord 1: If you pull that shit one more time, I swear to god I'll reveal your name. Quit being so damn high and maybe you'll make something sensible out of your life.
Druglord 2: Fuck you, nobody can ever know I'm the director of Resiklo!
Druglord 3: ...
Druglord 4: ...
Druglord 1: ...
Druglord 2: Ah fuck.

So there.

Free Standup Comedy Classes (HK)

Free Standup Comedy Class : Learn How to make People Laugh
Feb 23 2008, Sat, 2-6pm, conducted by sir Jami Gong

registration required, send an email to jamigong(++@++)gmail.com

www.takeoutcomedy.com
TakeOut Comedy Club HK, 34 Elgin St, Soho

(Elgin Street is a popular tourist spot for fine dining and nightspots, to get there you can take the midtown escalators in Central)

TH X - The annoying kind.

Here's a partial list of shorthand abberviations of "Thank you" and "Thanks" I've gotten in my 3 years of working from various people in both companies I've worked for (no less than five people, all of them from HongKong):

"Tnks"
"Tnk"
"Ty"
"Tyty"
"Tnx"
"Thx"
"Tks"
"Thz"

Let me just let this one out. Is "THANK YOU" so long a damn phrase that it can't be typed as a whole when expressing simple gratitude towards whoever helped you out? >:[

Sometimes I think whether people still bother to think about whether or not people on the other side of the damn correspondence understand what they'e trying to say. Or maybe they just mash the keyboards half-mindedly and pray to whoever god they're worshiping that I understand what they're trying to say?

These sorts of things should be filed under the crime of mild verbal abuse already. I'm sure everytime somebody uses an obscure invented abberviation to further shorten the word "thanks", whoever taught that guy English dies a little bit.

Linguistic cancer people. Let's fight it.

Girlfriends

You know you have an overjealous girlfriend when every girl you look at merits a "WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" comment from your girlfriend. Even when the girl you're looking at is no other than your girlfriend.

You know you have a paranoid girlfriend when you get blamed for something you did, even if it only happened in her dream the previous night.

But then you know you still love this girl no matter what when you find yourself apologizing for whatever supposedly monumentally stupid thing you did in her dream, while silently cursing the you living inside her dreamworld.

Girlfriends.

(all items posted in this article are totally fictional. I swear. Please don't hurt me next time we meet.)

Manila Ocean Park Review

Manila Ocean Park is set to open on February 24, after more than two months delay from its original December opening. Located behind the Quirino Grandstand in Luneta, it's actually almost walking distance from our office so I might drop by when I get the time. (or swimming distance if I'm feeling athletic and willing to get cholera from swallowing Manila bay water)

In this picture: Lots of graphics from the game SimCity 2000
Not in this picture: What Manila Ocean Park actually looks like

Park admission fee is 400 pesos for adults and 300 for children which kinda says to the fish and other animals there that unless visitor numbers pickup, they will be starving to death, eating their own floating fishcrap.

Opening hours of Ocean Park are from 10AM to 6PM. Fish, apparently, need their beauty rest too. We have an aquarium at home, I guess they're the Chinese sweatshop equivalent of fish, because unlike Manila Ocean Park's fish, they actually have to swim 24/7 (we have a cat to ensure they're doing just that)

Anyway, the park also features a marine open water habitat, where you get to hangout with fish for the low low price of half a leg. Before you could only imagine what it was like to wade around in waters filled with creatures that you've never seen in your entire life - oh wait. Chances are you already have, during rainy season, pag lumulusong sa baha.

(17:08:21) Anna: pede ka magsnorkeling
(17:08:26) Anna: ang kasama mo bangus saka tilapia

Wouldn't it be interesting if they actually made a replica of the ecosystem of our rivers? It'd be filled with 90% Janitor fish and naked kids taking a bath in the water, jumping off bridges. (but then again, at 400 pesos entrance fee, these animals will starve)

Even better, they should make a Dampa resto just outside. That'd be cool and freaky at the same time, because for one you could be eating something that came from inside the park - although for another, there's probably a reason why what you're eating is no longer inside the park. (like AIDS)

As with many things in this site, I am once again reviewing something without actually ever stepping into or watching (or both) whatever I'm reviewing. Don't blame me. Blame the damn website for posting computer generated floorplans instead of posting ACTUAL pictures of the place despite its being finished already (or so they say). Please don't tell me they're actual shots already, and that when you go inside you'll get to see the WindowsXP aquarium screensaver instead. >_< style="font-weight: bold;">Fast Facts:

Park Name: Manila Ocean Park
Opening Date: Feb. 24, 2008
Park Hours: 10Am - 6PM
Ticket Prices: 300-400 (children/adult)
How to Get There:

1.Look for Manila Bay.
2. Keep swimming north.
3. Avoid US Embassy Guard outposts.
4. ???
5. Profit.

Happy Valentines!

Tomorrow, we'll cut off the heads of various defenseless living things and put them on various kinds of plastic wrapping and potteries filled with water. Then we send them to people we care for, because hey, nothing says "I care for you" like dead things as gifts. Dead things that somewhat suggest "you could be next, don't waste time. let's f*ck"

Happy Valentines to you and your imaginary girlfriends. Remember, if you message your imaginary girlfriend and she replies back - you've found yourself a keeper.

And a mental disorder.

Red-visory

Dear Sir,

Thank you for visiting my site. I am not sure how my site ended up as relevant to your search for knowledge but granted that you're already here, I might as well answer your question.

No sir, it is not normal to do so. For one, it's not normal to be jerking off in a public restroom. But that's the least of your worries.

At age 48 and beyond, in your heart attack-prone years, jacking off is no longer a recreation. It's an extreme sport, just as likely to kill you as aggressive inline skating in a swimming pool filled with water.

Although it will make interesting coffee talk on your funeral, getting caught by Death waxing the funlog is nothing short of ruinous of a well-decorated lifetime career of handiwork.

My last tip? Give it up. Find a new hobby. And stay out of my website.

Cheers,
Red "I don't support wanking in public restrooms" Kinoko.

SAdSense - Advertising for Emos

As I looked at the ad I thought, I don't need an ad to tell me Jesus loves me.

But I blinked once. Then twice.

What if this is just an elaborate plan so I won't be able to reason out "we never clicked" on Judgement Day?

I spent the rest of the afternoon crying.

A Can-Do Kind of Guy

Sure, it's easy to scare people by saying you'll open a can of whoop ass if you get pissed.

But think of how much more scary you'd have to be if you were to claim you're the guy who actually packs the whoop ass into the can.

Small Is Still Beautiful

One big problem of delay-trigger computer viruses nowadays is that the longer it stays in the victim system, the bigger then chance the antivirus program will successfully random hash scan the virus out. Another problem, though somewhat smaller, is that file-per-file antivirus scanners often detect virus signatures of file-attaching variants easily, thanks to AV engineers who look at caught strains from infected files and analyze signatures for the virus.

Chimera project aims to prove that by using collaborative multistrain nanoviruses, the antiviruses that work on signature detection can be bypassed repeatedly by the same strain even after a signature has been established. The main idea is to release multiple substrains of a single virus in the wild which, when complete, can be activated by a trigger fragment containing Memory Access Trigger instructions, can be accessed through relative memory hops in the VM cache on any RISC based system.

There will be three components in this concept. The substrains which should be at the minimum of three types will contain cryptoinformation of the base secondary memory relative location for the two other substrains containing the exec codes before and after the exec codes the substrain hosts. These cryptoinformation are encrypted using a common key of the releasing party and will vary per release. That way, no single signature will ever be derived and the fragment locations will be untraceable outside actual execution time.

A special substrain can be included for status check and it will be without any exec code fragment. It will, instead, contain the head substrain cryptoinformation of the first exec code segment and will be responsible for checking completeness of the multiple required substrains.

The trigger fragment substrain will likewise be lacking any exec code and will only contain the key for the cryptoinformation and the memory access trigger. Memory access triggers are so common, so small, AV engineers usually overlook them when searching for signatures to avoid any false triggering when scanning for the virus.

The special statuscheck stubstrain will prevent any unknown fragments to mutate the code and maintain good CRC, it can be invoked by hte trigger fragment before execution to prevent any incomplete runs. Upon execution, the trigger fragment will pass the instruction pointer from one fragment of code to anther, hosted in different files that are only "partially" infected, which AVs will only identify as "possibly corrupt".

This project will contain a proof-of-concept assembling a 96kb program across six substrains, contained in three mp3 files, 2 jpeg files and one executable binary.

(source: Project Chimera - ubiquity through collaborative computing whitepaper dated 2003, theoretical study introduction)

Random Quotes For The Week

Listen lady, sometimes you just have to tell men what they really want. Other times telling them what they're going to get if they refuse works better (dislodged testicles, for example)

My friend says he lives a hardcore life. I guess mine can be classified as softcore. Kinda like the same thing, but with less dicks and assholes in the view.

I think I have a superpower and I can freely use it. I can actually see how people will look like when they grow old, like 50 years from now. Unfortunately I haven't been around in this world long enough to see if the power really works.

Bills always seem to come early and airline flights always seem to come in late. So maybe if we were to make the airplanes deliver the bills, we'd have solved one problem or the other.

One perfectly good reason man doesn't live on bread and water alone is that building the second story of your house out of wheat can get tricky.

I bet if you subscribed one yahoogroup address to another yahoogroup address and have the other yahoogroup address subscribed to the first one, you can destroy the internet with the push of a single button.

Real friends never let trivial fights get in the way of more important things - like bigger fights.

Maybe some people forget so they don't have to bear with forgiving people.

Some people get disappointed more because their ability to see potential in people does not include the ability to see potential through.

I think I'm going to far just to be able to brag about my son. There has to be an easier way to become a father who can say "My 7-year old can do Calculus in the dark" without renaming our maid "Calculus" and teaching my son sex at an early age.

---------------
ill be out tomorrow so this'll be the last post for the week. cheerio

Jose Rizal Reference

Rizal is a pretty famous person. He's got a statue in Germany, several streets named after him, and pretty much every transcript record of Filipino students has his name mentioned on it at least once. Granted, we'd even call a sex position after him - getting Rizal'ed. ("Harap sa likod bago tirahin") Still, I didn't expect references of him on certain things.

Like anime. Not in another 10 years anyway, until the moonpeople run out of plots and start using harem-prone doctors who travel from country to country (i.e. Rizal).

That said, this anime has to be 10 years ahead of its time. Title: Bamboo Blade. An anime about Kendo - a sport which, by normal standards, is safe to classify as "not fucking related to Rizal at all".

Apparently, that's not enough to deter Japanese people from inserting something as random as Rizal's face (See photo below)


Episode 10 can be watched here. Skit starts at 20:20

Let's not be asking questions why, or how. I have no f'ing idea either.

Japan. Producing 90% of the world's most random shit. Since 1951.

Public Static's Void Brain

I'm not really sure what happened. Sometimes while working you just get so burned out you tend to type things that aren't even remotely related to your program. Like the picture above.

Walter, True Love, Craig David

Finding the answer to true love is more like a multiple choice than an essay. The more choices you think you have, the more complicated it gets too choose the right one. The closer the choices are to each other, the harder it gets to pick. The more stupid your justifications become, the bigger a role luck plays in it. Finally, the "all above" answer almost always ends in tragedy.

Picture added for no reason at all. His name is Walter, he is a hunter, and he can bring your ancestors back to life just to kill them again by killer intention alone.

Yes, I'm being random today. What? No, not really. I refuse to take it back. Craig David still sucks bazoonga ass.

F4 Music Will Heal The World

I have this theory that F4 music is the ultimate cure. F4 music can heal any ailment, including cancer - if only we let it. So maybe you're saying "how come we haven't really heard anybody claiming that he or she got healed?" I guess it's true, but then again, nobody really expects F4 music to heal them so when they do, they really don't say it's because they were listening to F4 music.

Or maybe you'll just ask "We all listen to a bit of F4 music everyday, how come we still get sick?" Think about it. Maybe we're just not playing F4 music often enough, loud enough. Just because we haven't seen it perform what I think it can perform (healing) doesn't mean it cant (heal).

I have F4 mp3s at home. I store it in the first aid kit. I haven't put them to use just yet, but like many things inside the first aid box, it helps me rest better at night knowing I have something I can use in case the need for it comes.

I guess F4 music is just way ahead of its time. And I'm just as advanced in pointing that out. Someday in the future, mankind will wake up and realize the great service they're doing to humanity and say to each other "Hey, wow, F4 music really heals body and soul - if we had realized this sooner, we would have ended war and suffering a long time ago. We should have listened to that guy, redkinoko. Also, we should have offered virgins to him in repayment."

Some things are just not meant to be. But if ever you have enough faith in what I say here, if ever you think you need something to help you out in time of great need, listen to some f4 music. Be healed. Be happy. Be gay.

F4 music. You do the listening, they'll do the rest.

p.s. don't listen to Craig David. He's Satanspawn.

Review: Why Cloverfield Sucks and why a Cloverfield sequel is needed.

I'm feeling generous today so I'll be generous enough to say that this article contains spoilers for Cloverfield. I've been getting a lot of mixed reactions about the movie so I might as well give a digest of what I've seen in the movie.

Cloverfield is a movie about a tape found in the aftermath of a "big monster" attack in Manhattan. The film itself is somewhat off the beaten track in a sense that the narration, character development, and plot movement is made almost invisible in the supposedly amateur-shot video.

People have been saying that Cloverfield failed the hype for two reasons: awkward camera movement and lack of a decent plot. Let's discuss that.

First reason is the awkward camera movement. I'll be frank. The reason people say it's dizzying to watch the movie is because it is. The director wanted a movie that is actually immersive. Face it, everybody has gone through that awkward shit moment when we try to remember (or somebody forces us to remember) an event by watching a video that got taped by somebody with the hand-eye coordination of a monkey suffering from epileptic seizure. It's this feeling that he wanted us to feel, to an ass-cringing level. Only reason why it sucked is that we have never really tried doing that on a screen with a surface area three times the size of your house.

Next. Cloverfield has no plot whatsoever. The monster appears, basically kills the shit out of everybody, and then the film ends. Whatever character development exists between those plot points gets nullified anyway after the death of, well, pretty much everybody.

As for the origin of the Cloverfield monster, I'm not sure if I'm right but there was a weird scene towards the end of the film where the sea was seemingly unnecessarily shot from the ferris wheel. Something splashed on the ocean, which could the the monster or something (Fuck you, Abrams) . It wasn't meant for the casual viewers, so it's not counted and that's besides the point. Cloverfield's plot, if it exists, is thinner than thin.

The reason why Cloverfield seemingly didn't have any plot is that the main point of the film is to deliver an experience, not a story. You remember the Hollywood Godzilla? Remember how much it sucked? Cloverfield fixed that by putting the PoV literally on the people that run around screaming "gojira" and end up getting flattened, blown up, or eaten. And in that angle, Cloverfield succeeded in making the audience feel how it's like to be down there instead of being up with the jets and choppers. Most films nowadays are story-based. Reality TV shows are partially experience-based. Cloverfield is somewhat like a simulated Reality TV show turned into a movie. Kinda like Survivor: Manhattan - Outwit, Outplay, Outrun a fucking big monster and not get eaten alive. You don't watch concerts to get a story. You watch it to get an experience. Same goes for Cloverfield.

You want to know the real reason why Cloverfield sucks? There's not enough lesbian action.

I demand a Cloverfield sequel.

Dramatic Lemur

Day four of "Jet's being too lazy to write anything substantial again". I give you the dramatic Lemur, who, despite being unschooled, unbathed, and probably filled with more parasites than me, is able to create 30 seconds of comedy gold.



A million monkeys banging on typewriters everyday would not produce Shakespearean works, but another million of them facing webcams should be well within the resource requirements of replacing comedians entirely.