LTO Mel Tee oh.

I used up my Birthday Leave yesterday to renew my license. Last time I went to LTO's office, I had to reprint my license which was made of vanishing ink. Stupidity of using magic ink for formal documents aside, I found the experience rather positive, mainly because I did not spend even a wooden peso and it took me less than half an hour.

This time around, my license has expired and thought hey, maybe it's not so bad too, because LTO is one of those branches of our government that actually shows you where your money goes.

Hooooooooooooo boy.

Turns out I was mistaken more than Hitler was mistaken in fucking with Russia during wintertime.

I'll relate to you the experience by how the fees I had to pay for the fucking license.

Let's take note first that as a working, GMA-fearing Filipino, I pay taxes. 25% of my salary goes to the government. So basically, everything I do ever monday and tuesday mornings go to the coffers of our great nation. I expect that money to at least render me service, and maybe not pay for a service like renewing a license, or if I have to pay for it, not by too much.

That said, I have the right to complain.

100 Pesos Medical Fee - This fee is paid to the accredited LTO clinic just across the renewal center. It consists of BP, an eye exam, and a height/weight check. When I entered the clinic, I was made to stand on the weighing scale while writing on the logsheet with my right hand, while looking at the eye check chart (the one with lots of letters) and had my left hand being compressed by the blood pressure checker. The whole thing took me less than four minutes.

Four minutes for 100 pesos. That wasn't a checkup. That was highway robbery. I had my shoes on when checked for weight and height, I was wearing my eyeglasses and I could have sworn the BP strap never got tight enought to really check my pressure. How is this going the help filter bad drivers again?

325 Pesos Drug Test - The drug test consists of three parts. First part is filling out the forms, second part is urinating on this tinyass bottle on an open cubicle, and third is paying a ludicrous amount and waiting for the second coming of the Christ. In between I got asked retarded questions like "Do you do drugs? Are you planning to do drugs? Have you experimented with drugs before?" Yeah, like anybody would really admit to those things. Honestly policy in our country is like introducing a no-spice restaurant in Korea. Shit just doesnt work.

After a while the results came out. Turns out they only test for Methampetamine and Tetrahydracannabinol, which are shabu and marijuana respectively. What about Ketamine? Lots of people get high on those nowadays. Ecstasy? I didn't see it. Rugby? It's not even expensive to check for that. Just swab the nose and see if the swab stays in place.

With the results, I was given an insurance card worth 25 pesos. I asked if it's required by LTO, and says it wasnt. I then asked if it was mandatory to get. They said it was, as company policy. What the fuck. When I get my car a tuneup I dont get forced to buy mandatory car freshener just "because". I saved myself the hassle of shouting at their faces. You just dont want to get into scuffles with people who handle urine all day long.

417.85 Pesos Renewal Fee - Seriously. Why does the figure have to be so obscure? If we still had pesetas we'd probably have those in the price tag too. Considering that the LTO has already a large budget, it still puzzles me why we have to pay for such a large sum. While I was paying this, it's also interesting to note that one guy was actively trying to bribe the guy I'm talking to. In a very loud voice. Some people just forget why "under" is part of "under the table".

60 Pesos Computer Fee - For a webcam picture and a digital signing procedure. God knows why this is still seperate from the Renewal Fee. Is it because they're using a third party company? Why do we even have to know that?

75 Pesos Late Fees - Okay okay, I admit I didn't have to pay for this if I were a bit more diligent in renewing the license. My only beef is that last time I renewed, I only paid 30 pesos for it, and I don't see why it has to appreciate (i.e. DOUBLE in three years time). It's not like we're paying for oil. It'd think it fair, if I were the one asking for information from the government and THEY'd pay me late charges too that I can double every three years.

But they again, if that were the case, they wouldn't really be the Philippine Government anymore now would they?