Finer Points: Dating Essentials For Men

Monday, February 23, 2009

Everybody will tell you that dating is about you being yourself and the other person liking you for what you are. Of course, experience will tell you that it's still bullshit, since unless youre Brad Pitt, Jesus Christ, or Val Sotto, "being yourself" also often means being too physically and socially repulsive for human contact. Contrary to what japanese cartoons tell you, being an eccentric asocial retard who smells like cheese will not cause women to be inexplicably attracted to you.

That said, a few standards have to be made for dating, and to keep up with those standards, you have some things that you should know. I will not tell you how you should behave during dates on this article, because this article will be too long if I do. I'll just tell you what you should KNOW beforehand that's not related to your behavior. We'll save the "during the date" tips for other articles.

1. Know at least 4 songs you can confidently sing in a videoke bar

For the most of us men, videoke sessions are a bitch. No naturally straight man would love hitting high notes holding a microphone unless they're the vocalist of a rockband (and only we're not talking gwapo bands). However, it needs to be done, and if done properly, you can actually have fun. So you dont' come unprepared, practice at least four songs you'd know how to sing. Low pitched songs that are key of C are your bestfriend. Some examples are: Unwell, Wherever You Will Go, Closing Time, and Maging Sino Ka Man. If you need to practice in a place where people wont shoot you for sounding like a popstar's funeral, sing while taking a bath. That way the bathroom tiles mask the noise, and you'd get used to the feeling of water splashing you after you sing badly.

2. Know at least one restaurant of different types: italian, american, chinese, japanese, dessert

Most women can't decide shit when it comes to food if their lives depend on it. Call me sexist but it's true. Of course, some of them know what they want, and when you go out with those types, it's good. If they're not, you better be prepared. Know the different restaurants at your destination if possible. Forehand knowledge of estimates on the pricerange and foodserving sizes are very useful. Here's a example:

Mall of Asia:
Italian - Joe Pepperoni (medium, 200,300 per head), Italiannis (heavy, 500 per head)
American - Almon Marina (light, 200 per head), Hot Shots (heavy, 180 per head)
Chinese - Mandarin Wok (medium, 200 per head), David's (light, 300 per head)
Japanese - Tempura (medium 150 per head), Teriyaki Boy ( 250 per head)

Think about this information set as a toolbox. You just gotta have the right size of screwdriver for the right kind of screw, if you know what I mean. No, not that kind of meaning. Stop that.

3. Know a taxi hotline number you can call in case of emergency.

There are times when you just need a taxi and you cant find any. There are taxis that offer pickup service so you can avoid having to stand and wait for taxis for half an hour when your date's itching to go somewhere else. Taxis that offer pickupservice are: MGE, AVIS, 24/7. There are others, but I don't really know them.

4. Learn one dating type arcade machine

We guys know arcades like we know our mother's womb. As soon as we knew how to press buttons and ask our parents for money, we were already playing in the arcades. Girls aren't like that however, so don't blame them if they're not as into your 80% win ratio in Tekken 6. There are machines in arcades specifically designated for "dates". UFO catchers, BishiBashi, and hoopshooting are just some of them. Know how to operate at least some of them so you dont end up looking like a retard wondering where to use your card/coins.

5. Learn how to order in places like Starbucks

I'm sure to most guys, this is already elementary. I will not discount the fact, however, that there exist people like me who did not have their first cup of starbucks coffee until third year in college. Ordering in Starbucks is simple, but for first timers it can be daunting. If you're feeling overwhelmed, just choose a cold drink and a size, wait for your name to be taken and then pay up. Go back to your seat or wait for your name to be called near the claim counter, all the while maintaining a smug face that comes standard with people who like to wait while standing.

Of course all these information are pretty much useless if you don't really know how to carry yourself, but at least you're a bit more informed for future dates. As I've always said before, the best way to find out all about these things is to do what I did. Keep at it, stop sticking to your high standards and just go out with everybody you can go out with. (unless you're no longer single in which case, do so with utmost secrecy)

Good luck and happy dating, you nerd you.


Samara said...

I'm poking my nose on this post. :)) Interesting. Lol.

Menaya Garces said...

I agree. Very interesting that men would need a Dating 101. Hahaha.


Youd be surprised how may people would really need something like this. (I know I would)

Cajen said...


Anonymous said...

Where's Jollibee? :D

Anna said...

Jollibee is for high school boys and men who rely on allowances from parents for their dates.

Anonymous said...

What if the guy rents out the whole Jollibee building for dinner?

Have the place sparkling and squeaky clean, guards and crew flashing perfect smiles and neutral accent for "good evening sir/ma'am" (training provided by the guy) and all the mascots present holding a bouquet of rose of different (natural) colors...

still a high school and/or dependent guy to you?

and please don't picture yourself as the girl being treated like that... hah!

fat kat said...

id probably kill the guy for being able to spend so much effort and still end up treating me to jollibee.

rei said...

"Most women can't decide shit when it comes to food if their lives depend on it. "

-Very true, but then I'm a bit worried about the guy's budget. That's why I refuse to decide.


Awww how thoughtful of you, rei. Haha

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