Finer Points: Eating Out For Nerds (part 1)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A couple of days ago, I did a short discourse on the things one should at least have an idea of before venturing out into the highly ritualized and eccentric activity that normal people would call "going out on dates".

As one nerd speaking to (probably) other nerds, I'd say it can be daunting for our types specially since the only partying we're used to involves powerlevelling with an elf and a midget who calls himself Hans in some obscure online game. So as to be part of the solution than to be a contributor to the problem, I wrote this article that might be useful for the nerd seeing out to improve on his communication skills.

And no, we're not talking about charisma points of your character in Fallout.

With a little work, this guy could be you!*
*(guide to undergoing plastic surgery not included)

1. Asking A Girl Out
Arguably, the hardest part of dating part is finding an excuse to ask a girl out to eat with you specially if there's no real reason to, other than the glaring fact that you've been staring at her naturally perky funbags for the last 30 minutes or so. That should never ever count as a reason, and so you have to make something up that might convince her. Some possible reasons for eating out are as follows:

- To discuss something you have in common
- To repay you/her for a favor asked by either side
- Because you don't have anybody to eat out/go to some other place with
- To try and ward off the idea that nerds are going to die alone

Notice that none of the above explicity show that you're interested in a girl. When asking a girl out, subtlety is the key to the game, and as a general rule, the more disinterested you sound, the more interesting you'll become to a girl. It's a quirk of women, but you bet your damn ass it's true. (I read it in Cosmopolitan, so it must)

2. The Venue
Suppose you managed to bend your dark dark fate and manage to not fail the first step. Good for you! The next step is arranging the place and time. The venue will most likely depend on how you were able to ask the girl out. If you asked for a discussion, the venue should be somewhere where talking is permissible, i.e. not inside a resto-bar or inside a flea market. If you asked her out to watch a movie, it as to be within the vicinity of a (fucking duh) cinema. If by some chance you used chloroform to setup a date, an abandoned grasslot somewhere in Bulacan will do just fine. Other than that, if possible, the place should be somewhere where there are a lot of options.

3. The Restaurant
While it's really nerdy to do so, a real nerd shouldn't pass the opportunity to ask first for allergies and eccentricities. A real man like you will chow down anything with calories and salt, but that doesn't mean your date will too. Some women tend to be picky over trivial things like cultural beliefs, dietary preferences and lifethreatening allergies. (Feh, women). Since you don't want your date to end up at the ICU of the hospital, ask her about it and dont be shy.

Next, ask a girl if she has preferences. Don't ask particular restaurant names, just the general types. Women, as i have mentioned before don't really like decisions. I mean, they like having to have to make decisions but actually making them is a totally different thing. The less specific choices that they make will make it easier for them to choose. That translates to lots of time saved on your part and less starving on her part.

Common categories for this choice are: American, Filipino, Italian, Japanese, and Chinese. Other things you may want to throw in are "something exotic" and "suprise me". Something exotic is probably persian/mediterranean and "surprise me" can be the carinderia across the street. After she makes a decision, you make the final decision as to where you should eat.

Since the article is drawing too long already, I'll have to stop here first. Tomorrow we'll talk about Ordering, eating ,small talk, paying up, and finally parting.

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