Thursday, December 13, 2007

I was watching the Discovery channel the other day and thought, what's the deal with crocodiles? And why do lots of these science people suddenly have the urge to wrestle them in front of cameras just so they can show you they have teeth? Now I'm no expert in crocodiles but I think I know enough that they have teeth. You don't have to show that to me. Can you imagine of these guys became dentists? You'd be getting your braces while agonizingly locked in a figure four, tapping out and shit.

So how come despite so many crocodile wrestlers I see on tv, I don't see any lion wrestlers? There probably are, but their taping sessions don't last very long. I wouldn't really mind if travel hosts adapted their "hands-on" approach to things though. Reporter: *wrestles passerby* Here in Rome, we can see the average Italian woman with amazingly well-formed Italian boobs - look! Very unlike the ruins around their city. Crikey!

Going back to crocodiles, don't they just remind you of slow people? These things are basically dinosaurs who kinda just got left behind. Like when all the dinosaurs were going fad after fad, these guys were just probably laying around like logs (they still do) and when extinction became the "in" thing (kinda like how suicide is to emo-tards), they missed the whole thing entirely. When the crocodiles realize they should start living life, they'd probably go "Shit, Steve, where are the others? I think we overslept again."

But you know what's going to finally end them? Crocs shoes. Those things are so ugly and disfunctional, I bet a lot of crocodiles are now planning on ending their life out of shame. "I'd slit my wrists too," says Mark the Crocodile, "if I can reach my wrists with my hand."

Nope nothing good about those animals.

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