Amazing Race Asia and North Korea

Friday, December 28, 2007

Can you imagine what would happen if there was a pair from North Korea in the Amazing Race?

It would be awesome.

First, the pair would probably have funky Korean names nobody ever uses like Boon and Koon, not their real names of course since you're not allowed to own anything in North Korea, not even names.

Instead of camera men, they'd be given "watchers" who're basically like the normal camera crew accompanying the contestants from other countries, except they're supplied by Dear Leader himself, and they're under instructions to shoot NoKor's representatives if they're being too slow, or are trying to divulge State Secrets (like how Kim Jong Il manages to fit inside his clothes)

Each episode would be a double handicap for the North Korean team because they're trying to both win the race AND become refugees to every country they're visiting. Every now and then you'd see the tip of a handgun popping out of the camera's view, with the "watcher" ensuring good behavior from the representatives and preventing any form of escape.

Of course you cant expect them to fail more than once and live through it. But since people don't have names in Korea and because of deprivation, everybody except Dear Leader pretty much looks like each other, when the contestants do get shot, they probably get replaced midway. You may want to take note of how the hair and mole positions of NoKor contestants suddenly change.

I expect them to win in food eating challenges, as back in their native country, getting food is the challenge. Eating it is the reward. Bull testicles? Fuck yeah, protein source. Any other physical challenge will be fishcake. All that manual labor in the mountains and all that wall scaling to smuggle contraband into the country will pay off.

Every time the team gets interviewed, they just go silent and a media spokesperson will tell the audience how great it is to be competing in the name of Dear Leader. Meanwhile, in the background, the team will try their best to, you know, beg for help from the outside world - because damn. That's what I would do if I were in their shoes (that and just run away)

They'll probably get shot after that scene too, but hey, Communism.

Sucks for this season. Next season perhaps? North Korea for the win! Maybe we can even include real Thai people, not over westernized class-A hookers who are anything but Thai.

Oh and yeah, mandatory warning. This article contains strong racial profiling.

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