How To Fix Skype Crashes

If you've been using skype like me, then yesterday you also probably encountered a problem where the Skype client app crashes upon start up. Apparently this does not affect all versions of skype, but for those that are affected, this is the workaround suggested:

1. Go to C:\Users\\AppData\Roaming\Skype

2. Rename shared.xml to shared2.xml

3. Go to your skype username folder.

4. Rename config.xml to config2.xml

5. Restart Skype.

This should fix the issue.

Proof of Ownership

This post is to prove that my proof of ownership sent May 26, 2011 9:25PM Manila Time is valid.

Hash is as follows:
81C844D3AE4B79AD2D9B077C642B1C19BC51256609FAC37B2D573BA923E14505

Signs ng HR kung tanggap ka ba or hindi

1. Pag naamoy mo na parang may sinusunog sila na papel ilang segundo matapos mong ibigay yung resume/forms mo, malabo na yun.

2. Pag sinabi ng HR "Please stay here while I call the security..."

3. Pag ang parting words nila eh "Don't call us. We won't call you."

4. Kapag hindi na makahinga yung HR sa katatawa at kinakailangan syang ilabas ng interview room in a stretcher.

5. Kapag may naamoy ka na teargas.

6. Kapag nakita mo ang picture mo sa labas ng opisina nila na may nakalagay "Wag tularan"

7. Kung ang pangalan mo ay Osama Bin Laden

8. Kung ang response ng HR sa mga questions mo ay malakas na paghilik.

9. Kung isa sa mga interview questions ay "Saan preso ka dati nagwork?"

10. Yung final interview mo eh yung hepe sa presinto.

Fast Five : A Fast Review

Fast Five is, quite possibly, the most fun Fast and The Furious movie that I have seen in quite a while. Quite relatedly, it is also the least Fast and The Furious looking movie in the series. To be fair, there aren't a lot of places where you can drive in the Favella. The movie is like a pot session with friends. As long as you don't try to check the facts and maintain a healthy dose of not-give-a-fucks, you're sure to have fun.

Let it be known however that Fast Five is the last movie you'd like to watch if you want to learn about Rio De Janiero, because if you'd do that, you'd think all Brazilians are either armed with a firearm, or dirt poor, or corrupt cops, or all of the above. It's so stupid, you'd think if people were paying attention they'd be crying racist by now. (Hint: nobody cares)

Did I mention most of the stuff in the movie don't make sense? Here are a few of them:

1. A good portion of the preparation movie is about trying to negotiate a hairpin curve to avoid camera detection. Which they don't use anyway.

2. Considering these are people who are on the run, it's surprising that they were able to get cars AT ALL. Where do these people get the money? ANd if they do have that amount of money, why do they still have to live like they're gonna starve if they stop boosting cars? Nevermind the fact that Vin Diesel was able to somehow smuggle his old car into his luggage halfway across the Americas. I can't even smuggle a toe clipper onboard.

3. At one point, Vin Diesel's character comes out in the open to taunt Dwayne Johnson's character. They hang out in a party which turns out to be the most heavily armed rave crowd I have seen in my life. And for some reason, despite Vin going to Rio for the first time in his life, these people somehow feel indebted to him, to the point that they'd willingly put a gun in the face of an AMERICAN PARAMILITARY OUTFIT WITH MUSCLES THAT ARE BIG ENOUGH TO REQUIRE LICENSES TO CARRY AROUND. What's Vin's explanation? "THIS. IS. BRAZIL!" What the fuck.

4. At the start, when Vin turned against their co-criminals and was escaping with Paul Walker, he sped alongside the train so Paul could hop off on the car, only to have it fly off a goddamn cliff. Note that there was no real need for Paul to hop off. Or for Vin to crash the car. Vin could have stopped the goddamn car, and Paul could ahve gotten off at the next station.

4b. While we're at it, after dunking the car into a body of shallow water and SURVIVING, Paul and Vin walk up to the shore to find enemies who *GASP* were waiting there ALL ALONG, as though they expected the two to do something THAT STUPID AND SURVIVE. Either they're psychic or they're the world's most optimistic latinos, I don't know. AND even then, seeing as falling off a cliff takes seconds, that meant these bad guys travelled faster than freefalling bodies to reach the bottom of the cliff in time to pose like machos looking for gringos to kill.


5. Nevermind the magical vault chase scene and the spectacular absence of any rational laws of physics. That shit was just too ridiculous. Added to that, the totally unnecessary police car race scene. It took a while for me to realize I wasn't watching an arcade racing game replay.

4. Towards the end, they finally get the dough. It's all in Brazilian tender. How the fuck do you smuggle that out of the country?

The whole movie feels like it's Ocean's 11 if Danny Ocean was an overbuffed simpleton. In addition to his ragtag gang of specialists, he has also enlisted the help of "FUCK YOU AUDIENCE". It's a heist that pays less attention to the meticulousness that goes into an elaborate heist and replaces it with "FUCK YEAH" moments that defies logic and kills braincells at the same time. You'd be an idiot to try and take this thing seriously. Serioulsy.

That said Fast5 is solid, fucking stupid, and fun.

Mar Roxas : Linecutting Asshole

It's been two years after the country collectively said "Binay's ugly, scheming, and probably in league with the devil, but we'd rather vote for him than Mar Roxas." Now, Mar is getting a position higher than the one that he ran for. You gotta at least admire the guts of this guy. I personally cannot think of a worse insult than having people pick somebody who quite possibly eats babies for a hobby over him in a popularity contest. Apparently, Roxas is too dense to realize that quite possibly, the people do not want him anywhere near a position of power.

What kind of sick twisted system allows somebody who lost an election get what he doesn't fucking deserve? We're giving him the Chief of Staff position - which is already an extension of the presidency. Given the mental acumen of our current president which is not above that of a week-old carrot, this position might as well be the most powerful in the land. AND WE'RE HANDING IT TO A GODDAMN LOSER.

What does that teach our kids? If you can't win fair and square, find friends who will let you cut the line? To make things worse, the position he's lined up for doesn't even exist yet. The PALACE is basically creating one out of thin air just to accommodate his undemocratic ass.

What's so special about Mar Roxas anyway? The only way I can understand the fervor by which Malacañang is actively trying to find a place for him in the palace is if he eats coal and shits gold-encrusted diamonds. That'll definitely solve a lot of problems. News flash though - HE DOESN'T. The only distinguishing feature he has at the moment is he's married to Korina Sanchez, who is 50% journalist and 50% prefabricated plastic.

Seriously, fuck that asshole. I'd sooner have voted Jay Sonza as vice than him.

At least Jay is honest about what he wants:

Another shot at Mel Changco.

No Cow

Aerodynamically, a cow should not be able to fly, but it doesn't know that fact so that never prevents it from being at heights as high as 30,000 feet in the air.

Served in airline meals after the passenger decides between chicken or beef.

Philippine National ID - Why It Makes Sense

This issue maybe a bit late, but let me take a shot anyway. It's still as relevant today as it was 7 years ago.

I remember when I was in college, people were pushing for a National ID system and as expected, it was the subject of much debate. People who were against the thing had come up with a lot of reasons:

1. It can be used by the government to track down each and every one of us.
2. It will cost a lot to implement
3. (this coming from a DLSU student council) If we lose our card, we lose our identity
4. It will promote extrajudicial killings

Long and short of it is, barring point #2, most reasons given are buck retarded.

Here's why:

1. It can be used by the government to track down each and every one of us.
It's the job of the government to track us down. Whether it's for paying taxes, knowing whether or not we're breaking laws, or just dead already. That's why they're called the government. The same data that the government already has will just get more organized, hence easier to reference. While at first it may sound shitty on your part, if it's going to work for other people too, it can be beneficial in so many ways. More on that later.

2. It will cost a lot to implement
This is true, but the cost of implementation will be easily overtaken in the long run by reduced overhead in maintaining a lot of other incompatibly information systems. Do you remember your SSS no, TIN no, License no, Passport no, and Birth Serial no? If you can't, the government has to remember millions of those datasets and be expected to connect them all together if need be. That sort of responsibility costs money to enforce. In HK, do you know how long it takes to clear immigration? One minute. Your ID, then your finger print, then you're good to go.

3. (this coming from a DLSU student council member) If we lose our card, we lose our identity.
Seriously, fuck the guy who uttered this. I hope he's already dead at this point in time so as to minimize the chance that his asinine genes will be passed on to the next generation. This is not a valid argument when discussing the matter with people with IQs not pegged with the current Peso to dollar rate.

4. It will promote extrajudicial killings
Since the first three arent really very compelling, I suspect the opposition tossed this one in just to make things festive and relevant to GMA's favorite pasttime. I honestly doubt giving a unique number to every citizen will cause them to be the target of deathsquads. It's just fucking impossible. But hey, might as well right?

See, every person needs an a unique IDENTIFIER. That's what a National ID is. More than a plastic piece of card, a national ID is a number, a set of characters, a sequence that is unique for every citizen. It's more unique than names, because as any of the six bajilion Filipino Chinese living in Binondo named Alex Tan will tell you, names can be very common and confusing. The national id can be used in place of all the government IDs that we have right now, the SSS, NBI, TIN, Passport, Birth Cert, etc.

How can that be evil?

If ever there's any evil there, it's seen by subservient types - people who like the system as it is - fragmented. Faking a personality is all the harder when everybody is referencing everybody, in the same way it's easier in Friendster to create fake accounts because pictures back then weren't being tagged by other people. In facebook, if your account has no references on other accounts, it's easily pegged as fake.

The benefits are very easy to figure out. And although theyre trivial, anybody who's transacted with the government will agree that these will do a lot to improve the average lifespan of Filipinos and reduce overall deaths by red tape frustration:

1. NBI Clearances will no longer have false hits. Meaning, even if another guy with the same name as you is out there killing babies and raping cows, you won't be held against it.

2. Non-taxpayers can be easily deprived of government services until they are forced to pay. This will improve collections and LEVEL OUT THE FIELD FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO GET AUTO-DEDUCTIONS EVEN BEFORE WE TOUCH THE MONEY.

3. Voting will be a lot easier. When a death certificate is filed, mark the status of the ID profile as deceased. It's easier to track who's dead and who's alive when the status of voters is updated in a same list as birth/death certificates. As an added bonus, tax payers skipping payment can be prevented from voting. Imagine that.

4. No need to apply for 5 different cards. You just need one. Bank applications can be easier, as with pretty much everything that needs to verify your existence.

5. It's be so much easier to associate people to anything from phone numbers to internet addresses, making it all the more easier to track down kidnappers, and other criminal, subversive elements. It may sound draconian, but come on, if you're not planning anything radical, why should you be alarmed?

FHM's TOP 100 ?

Okay, this reaction is a bit on the slow side. This is mainly because I am a cheapskate and only buy back-issues when it comes to stuck-in-puberty magazines like FHM. It's cheaper that way, and provided that the magazine is not second hand, a hot picture six months ago is still just as hot now. It's not like FHM is current events or anything. Breaking news is for today, but cheap shitty penis jokes are forever.

So I picked up FHM's Top 100 Sexiest Women Issue the other day and found that Regine Velasquez is in TOP 7. Holy crap huh? Sure, at some point Sharon Cuneta was in the list too, but never that in such a high rank. And to be fair, this was 10 years ago, and guys who read FHM like construction equipment too, so tonnage wise at least, Sharon's got dibs for a slot.


No. It's fucking 2011. Regine Velasquez may have been hot at some point in her career. And yes, at some point in may life, I considered her hittable. But then again, at some point in my life, I also thought the Pentium 2 was the most powerful thing in the planet. Interestingly, those two facts occurred at about the same timespan - about a decade and a half ago!

What happened Philippines? Has our love for retro reached a point where even our libido has gotten affected? Regine Velasquez, in case you aren't paying attention is OLD. I'd accept if she's in FHM's Top 100 Historical landmarks instead. She's ancient and renovated enough to pass as a UN heritage site.

To top it off she's married AND pregnant. If we're going by the levels of handicap as measurement of scores, the moment she gets a minor sprain, she'd be dancing in the top seed as the hottest woman in the land.

At least until Sharon grows a V12 engine becomes heavy enough to be affected by the truck ban.

Facebook One-Liner Roundup

It's been a while - and I have nothing interesting to post, so, yeah.

Wala palang silbe sabihin ang "Pag di na ako busy, gagawain ko na ito." kasi mahirap talaga maging hindi busy para sa isang bagay na hindi mo pa ginagawa. Kung gusto mo talaga ang isang bagay, simulan mo agad. Dahil hindi lumalaki ang oras sa isang araw, kusang magaadjust na ang buhay mo para pagkasyahin lahat ng ginagawa mo. Di mo lang mamamalayan, may puwang na para sa pangarap na dapat matupad.

If some people can't believe Bin Laden is dead, I'd say that's to be expected. Half of the world believed Hitler was still alive five years after WW2 ended. Sixty years after, there are a handful dedicated some who insist that he still is, long after the Soviets owned up to hiding his body from the rest of the world.

You never forget good people even when they've passed on. The really good ones though, they haunt you with their words. It's as if the day they were whispered in your ear is no more recent than yesterday, as though they are far from being memories. It's like without you knowing, they've become a part of you.

Now that the filling's been removed, there's a hole in my lower gum that's big enough to host the next ASEAN games, which, coming from the last time we hosted it in Manila, should be an upgrade for the athletes.

Take a look at the friends of your FB friends. There's at least five of them you've never met your entire life. Take a look at their friends. There's even more people who have completely unique lives you will probably never know about. Suddenly the world seems like such a big place. Now take a look at yourself. Stalker! :)

It's not the pain from a wound that oft drives you mad. It's the maddening itching that comes afterwards.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and the king's horses and men couldn't put him back together again. The cops were onto them fast, so they had to call the right person for the job. The Easter bunny.

Bakit ganun. Parang lahat ng tao kaya nang ipaliwanag bakit nagkakaroon ng global warming pero wala pa rin makapagsabi sakin bakit may ut*ng ang mga lalaki. :| Priorities naman jan.

The day's not complete without coming across a bus trying to break the sound barrier with a 40yo Diesel engine on the freeway.

It's easier to believe in miracles when you're the one making it come true for others.

Tonight reminded me of one thing I learned recently. Every now and then you're going to have to take a sharp turn. You're going to hate the reason no matter what it is and you're not going to like the feeling of being thrown off balance. Chances are, you'll end up face first into the ground, dirty, far lower whence you were, and dignity be damned. It's going to suck, and it's going to hurt long after, but let's be honest with each other. Who would want to live life in a predictable straight line?

Daig ng maagap ang masipag. Kasi kinabukasan, pwede mo nakawin yung ginawa ng masipag.

And then, just like that, the flash of last firework faded with the evening air. "Where does the light go, mama?" Andy asked his mum. His mum lifted him up and began carrying him back home. "Oh but to sleep dear, that they may brighten up somebody else's life another day."

Wouldn't it be infinitely more meaningful if people gave flowers that weren't cut off from the rest of the plant so they don't have to die out after a few days? I know right? Well apparently, the theory doesn't doesn't add anything to the romance if you gave seeds instead. No instant gratification there. But if you ever get the balls to try, go for watermelon seeds, because hell yeah, watermelons.

Man appeared on earth about 2-3 million years ago. Man's ancestors existed even before that, which spent hundreds of millions of years branching out from the tree which towards the bottom, implies that at some point in time, we shared a common ancestor with fruit-bearing trees. While this is very hard to prove, its plausibility can be exercised by simply asking yourself "Bakit ganun yung ulo nya? Parang mangga!"

We have executive officials trying to enforce road traffic, traffic enforcers making up their own laws, law makers trying to become full time investigators, investigators who want to become businessmen, and business men who want to become executive officials. And my last company's management tells me job descriptions don't matter much. Sure.

Cars in Philippine roads are like gremlins. Sprinkle them with a bit of water and they start multiplying like crazy.

Payo sa buhay #1: Kapag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng tinapay. Tapos habang kumakain sya, suntukin mo sa kwan ng sobrang lakas. Bawi ka na.

Elevator Obvious

I don't get people who try to stop me from closing the elevator door by saying "UP!", specially when I'm in the ground floor, the indicator arrow is pointing up, and there's no basement to go down to. So I answer back "YES!" and then proceed to close the door anyway. Thanks for the tip, but I think I missed the part where you're suggesting that you want to go up TOO.

I can't imagine a scenario where I'd be saying "Oh thank god that crazy man running towards me dutifully informed me that the elevator is, in fact, going up. Otherwise, who knows how badly I'd have gotten lost?"

Splash Island Review

Splash Island is a water park. Like other waterparks, it offers activities such as floating on a lazy river, riding water slides, swimming in a wave pool, and partaking in collective urination into barely chlorinated water.

The park first opened in 1997 and a lot of changes have been introduced since then. The water, for one, has been changed as many as three times already over the course of the park's history. The park's been around for more than 10 years, and in some slides, you can see aging setting in. There are parts of the slides where water constantly leaks, occasionally plugged by the unwary customer who "went over too far". But isn't that what we all need? A bit of rush from narrow brushes with highly embarrassing deaths, which will make us Pariah inside any bar in heaven.


The park is located alongside South Super Highway, through the Southwoods exit. If somebody insists along the way that it's the Biñan exit, put your foot down or risk having to turn around at additional tollway fee costs. Its strategic location ensures that you're getting wet by the attractions and being dried by the hot exhaust of passing vehicles at the same time.
Splash Island
Lockers are available near the shower area where you can deposit valuables that you don't want lost or wet, such as cellphones, wallets, and dignity. There are actually two shower areas, but the second shower area is nestled so close to the exit, people hardly go there. So come closing time, if you don't want rinsing off with some guy soaping his ass approximately 1.5 inches away from you, try to go to the second shower area instead.

The park opens at 8am, which is arguably the best time to enjoy the park, while the water is still generally colorless. Come afternoon, the water tends to become turbid and generally unsafe for accidental human consumption. The park closes at 5pm, but it is advised to leave a bit earlier to beat the swath of people lining up to shower.

In an interesting development, Splash Island has implemented a run schedule for the attractions during regular operating days, with the exception of public holidays where heavy volumes of park goers are expected. Slides, for example are scheduled to be only open after 12pm, right about the time you are already hungry. Expect lines to be long. If the lines were long before, expect it to be worse, as in by the time you've gotten to the front of the line, you'd be dry and you'd forget what you've lined up for already, or why you are wearing nothing but board shorts in the first place. There are times that you'll feel like you're in a refugee camp, lining up for everything that you need.

Here are some of the rides that you can partake in:

Rio Montanosa - The only slide where up to four people can ride a single raft. The best part of this ride is you don't have to haul the gigantic raft up the stairs as with other rides. The worst part is that you have to line up long enough to call whoever you're riding with "life partners". The queue is so long, it's not surprising to see Japanese occupation soldiers sliding down every now and then.

Balsa River - A long canal filled with water with a balsa to user ratio of 1:100. Chances are, you'd end up wading there, simulating commuting during storm season, with the only difference being a lower risk of incurring Leptospirosis. (note: lower not zero). It is highly recommended by 9 out of 10 doctors that you thoroughly rinse you're nether regions after using this attraction for prolonged periods of time. The lone dissenting doctor died of leptospirosis, just so you know. (Pro tip: the water amazingly changes in color throughout the day from immaculately transparent, to nestea brown. It's a wonder of nature)

Isla Pawikan - a playground partially filled with water and designed for younger children. There are fountains all over the area that respray the water coming from the small pools, ensuring that the kids are filled with joy, excitement, and unhealthy doses of second hand urine.

Agos Grande - The wave pool is likewise scheduled. Speaking of scheduled, it's also known as Tagos Grande. Because apparently, not all women are all about hygiene. I'm just saying. Anyhoo, when waves aren't present, the lifeguards bring out a large inflatable glacier for wallclimbing that rises up 18 ft in the air. You climb it with zero harness, and if you fall, you fall on either other swimmers or about 2 ft of water - just enough to dilute blood coming out of the crack in your skull. Lovely.

Magellan's Drop - A high-speed slide where you go down a straight path with only a slice of flimsy foam seperating your ass from a very uncomfortable visit to the proctologist. Why they called this attraction Magellan's Drop is beyond me. But if in any case this was the way Magellan tried to conquer Mactan, Lapulapu's win would've been cakewalk.

Speaking of which.

Dos Supremos - This is not really about the ride. It's more of why in the world would Splash Island have to name its attractions after the national heroes. I don't really know a lot about respect, but it's one thing to erect a monument for a fallen here, it's another to name a water fun slide after the leader of the Katipunan. Here's the description from the site:

The Katipuneros who shed blood for our freedom from Spain, looked to one Supremo or supreme leader. At Splash Island, we have two! The Dos Supremos are giant twisters that revolutionize the definition of blood-pumping.

What better way to celebrate martyrs than by sliding down half naked in what is essentially giant plumbing. Hurrah for nationalism

Other slides such as the King Pilipit have been permanently closed down to the general public but remain open to thrillseekers who laugh at the face of danger. These waterless slides require users to bring up their own bucket of water, which will be used to lubricate the descent into the plastic tubing. Inherent danger mostly centers on having your skin roasted when gravity persuades water to go on ahead and leave your ass at the mercy of momentum and friction.

Splash Island is a place where I left a lot of childhood memories in, among other things. For all its flaws, and I did not stress the other part enough, it's still actually fun to go to, specially with friends. Specially with friends who have no allergies to putrid water. One of these days when you drop by, leave me a message.

Chances are, I'd probably be still in line on one of the rides with some Japanese occupation soldiers.

Torches and Pitchforks

For the sake of not catching my readers off-guard by intentionally unfunny posts, I will now try to limit these kinds of articles during Serious Sundays and government holidays. Special announcements are, of course, exempted, as with anything related to Vina Morales. That shit's gotta stay real-time, you know what I'm saying? I don't. Anyway, on with the post.

I love reading about history. More specifically, I love reading about wars. War an interesting phenomenon that teaches very strong lessons at a very high cost to those involved. Ask any war veteran still alive today. For some reason though, that lesson is almost always too quickly forgotten. It's like one moment, people are saying "This should never happen to future generations." and the next moment, Germany is trying to strangle France again.

You'd think the reason why this happens is because the veterans of the war die off. Try World war 2. It started a mere 20 years after the "Great War" that many saw as the war to end all wars. I know, I know, it's the national grudge. But try getting an arm blown off. Or the arm of your best friend. Or all of your friends. That ought to change your perspective on a lot of things, and asked in hindsight if you'd think that's a price worth paying for "getting back at them frogs", everybody would say "hell no".

You'd think if that's the reason, wars wouldn't last long. Not years. Not even weeks. It'd be like a brawl in a party. Somebody starts bleeding, everybody stops the fight. Whatever the reason was is suddenly no longer worth it. That's not how wars happen.

Do you know how wars are sustained for very long periods of time? It's because people have poor memories. At the start, people have their reasons. Then because of the fighting the reasons are overtaken by something more personal. A friend gets killed. A family becomes collateral damage. Suddenly it's no longer about the reason. It's about getting back at the enemy.

And this is not just limited to wars.

Sometimes, we become angry at something for so long, we tend to forget why we were angry in the first place. Sometimes, people around us have been angry for so long that we become just as angry, without ever remembering what has gotten us so riled up in the first place.

That's called mob mentality - the worst kind of intellectual collective that sacrifices individual logic with group thinking. "Maybe" and "What ifs" are replaced with torches and pitchforks. Questions are replaced by demands. Thinking is replaced with threats.

I remember in one of the companies I've worked for before, people became so angry at the management, even issues that were bigger than the management were somehow transformed into points against "the enemy". While there were mostly valid points, the possibility of a more civil negotiation went out the window. And the situation simply spiraled out of control, where everybody wound up hurt, and worse, even more bitter.

See, collective anger doesn't just affect your thinking. It affects your very personality. You can't feel a certain emotion for so long and not have it leave a trace in your character. You become an anger-driven person and make you even more susceptible to similar kinds of herding.

The only answer is you. You have to stop. To stop, you have to know if you have an issue. You will know you're already sucked in by the mob when you just can't find a strong, first-hand reason why you feel strongly against something, even though, if you think hard, you know there are alternative ways to resolve the problem other than through force by numbers.

Take a step back. Think and reflect on what has happened thus far. The moment you realize there's more to the issue than just what "everybody" thinks, that's the moment you start becoming an individual again.

And as an individual, that's the only time you can really make a right difference.

No Exceptions

Seen at the ticket counter of Midtown Mall, Rob Manila. Security policies apply to everybody, Norse Gods included.