Iron Man: A Review

This post may or may not contain spoilers.

Ironman has always been my favorite guy in the Avengers group of Marvel superheroes. Tony Stark is smart, rich, is a womanizer, has no real superpowers, is an alcoholic and a sociopath. We're kinda similar in some ways (the alcoholic sociopath joe-schmoe part to be specific)

Ironman for me is the technical geek's superhero - a proof that you don't have to be lucky, or born from a special family, or effortlessly predestined for something great to actually do great things - like have raunchy random sex with beautiful reporters, and save the world every now and then. You just have to be fuck smart, which is a trait most geeks think they have anyway and makes them a step closer to realizing their superhero dreams, and their "getting laid" dreams before they die of old age.

That said, of all the superhero movies I've seen the past few years, this one movie about Ironman has gotten me hyped up more than any other. And now that I've seen it, I feel it's only natural that I give my take on it like any generic self-righteous blogger asshole who thinks he knows movies more than anybody else.

Let's stick with the good points of the movie first.

- Robert Downey Jr. is perfect for Tony Stark. For one, he's a real drunken asshole IRL, so that part he doesn't have to act out. He'd just probably go to the set loaded and take it from there.

- The integration of Ironman's origins with the current situation in Afghanistan is pretty apt. Originally, Stark was supposed to have been injured in the Vietnam war. Sticking to that will make it sound stupid, and unfitting since most people who will be watching this film are too young to even remember stuff like the Tet Offensive that happened long before they were born.

- Hugh Hefner is in this movie, even if just in a cameo. Yes. That Playboy Mansion guy.

- Seeing THE ironman in his live-action glory is just too sweet. The technical guys of the film actually made sure as much details are made realistic as possible. ArcReactor bit was somewhat new, but it was a nice explanation that did away with Stark's mandatory daily charge phase. The addition of Palladium as a hydrogen absorbent for the power source will really make you think it's all possible. And yes, seeing Stark being chased around by F22s is pretty awesome too.

- The movie itself is nicely paced, with no real slow bits, very much unlike the wrecks that are GhostRider, Daredevil, Elektra, Spiderman 3 and probably many other failed Marvel movies.

So yeah. There are a lot more good things about this movie but it's far from perfect. Here are my negative remarks on the movie, and probably the assholes who watch the move too.

- The Ironman is bad ass. He's state-of-the-art, created by an unrivaled genius that is Stark. And then who does he get to fight in this movie? Osama fucking bin Laden. Desert rebels that have probably the fanciest terror group name I've ever heard of. Ten Rings? What the fuck Hollywood. So he beats these guys with AK47s up in a makshift suit. And then he goes on to beat more of the bad guys up for a second round with some tanks involved with the upgraded suit. And then for a final enemy, he has that genteel guy from Mr. Deeds who isn't too far away from being Stark's dear old grandpapa. A GRANDFATHER AGAINST A RAGING TECHNOMACHINE?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Suffice to say this movie is all about pitting an overpowered hero against pretty much everything weaker than him - which isnt very heroic to me.

- Some of the scenes are just preposterous - like "building an armor while being monitored and getting away with it" preposterous. Nice work in turning the Afghanistans into a retarded bunch of desert wanderers, assholes.

- At one point of the movie, the rebels gain military powers because Stark Industries sold them weapons - including tanks. Tanks. You'd think smuggling those things out of the country would come by noticed. I can't even bring a tub of hairgel on board a goddamn airplane.

- The worst bit of this movie isn't even part of the movie. I'm talking about the fanboys. You'll never run out of assholes who will keep on saying how it's not possible to escape a hail of rifle fire with just thick armor plating. Or that Ironman's flight prowess looks clumsy and should include vector thrust. Or that he shouldn't be able to shoot out photon beams out of his reactor. You know what? Let it _slide_. This is a movie that came form a comic book. The fact it's all half plausible is nice enough an add-on. It doesn't have to be 100% realistic, otherwise, we'd have ironmen in Iraq right now instead of bomb-prone humvees. Aight? Keep your MIT-grade smuggery to yourself.

So there.

To sum it up, the movie is great, fun, and all around awesome if you don't think too much about the technical aspects of the film. It's also extra fun if you have a penchant for seeing old men getting ass kicked by people half their age (not me). All factors considered, this probably will be one of the best hero movies of the year (yes, there are so many hero movies nowadays they have their own genre).

Unless, of course, Action Hank gets his own movie.

8.5/10