MRT Fare Hike Prevention

Magtataas na daw ng pasahe sa MRT next year. Good news, mababawasan ang laman ng mga tren. Bad news, mababawasan din ang laman ng wallet. Dahil sa maraming maapektuhan, sinabi ni Rep. Teddy Casiño na baka may iba pang mga paraan para hindi na kailangan magtaas ng singil. Okay din yung mga mungkahi nya, pero parang kulang. Eto naman ang aking mga naisip.

Magbenta ng deodorant sa loob ng tren.

Para sa mga taong proactive, magbenta na rin ng lysol.

Ipasponsor ang bawat stasyon "Welcome to Buendia Putok-free Station. This station has been brought to you by CAA Nature's Touch Tawas. Kaisa-isang toothpaste. Tangal na ang tinga mo, tangal pa putok ng misis mo."

Lagyan ng multa ang pagpapatugtog gamit ang speakerphone ng telepono.

Patawan ng corkage yung mga taong mahilig kumain ng kung ano-ano sa loob ng tren. Doble kapag Boy Bawang ang nginunguya. Triple pag tumatalsik pa sa katabi yung corn "bits".

Gawing mas mura ang pasahe kapag off-peak operations. Gawing mahal pag rush hour.

Ipasponsor ang mga ticket card, preferrably ng mga alcoholic drinks tulad ng White Castle Whiskey para may design na seksing babae na nakasakay sa kabayo tulad ni Glydel Mercado (yung babae, hindi yung kabayo).

Imbes na laging nakaaircon, bigyan na lang ng tigigisang menthol candy ang mga pasahero, sponsored ng Maxx Honeylemon.

Lagyan ng laxative ang Maxx Honeylemon at lagyan ng 10 pesos na bayad ang CR sa loob ng istasyon. Hiwalay na bayad ang tissue paper.

Ipasagasa sa tren ang mga tao na mahilig umakap o sumandal sa mga handrails. (hindi ito revenue-generating, pero mas maeenganyo sumakay ang tao kung bawas ang k*pal na commuter)

Doblehin ang singil sa mga hindi bumababa sa Trinoma Station. Tawagin itong "manggugulang tax".

Magemploy ng mga batang namumunas ng sapatos sa loob ng mga tren. Pag pasko, caroling at tambol naman ang raket.

Kapag dumaan na ang last train, ipaarikla na ang riles sa mga push cart/trolley boys.

Kapag naman umaga, ikabit ang mga trolley sa likod ng mga tren gamit ang kadena at gawin itong open-air budget service/extreme sport, 5 piso ride-all-you-can, di kasama dito ang pamasahe papuntang Funeraria Jose.

Maglagay ng mga jailer, parang school fair lang. Every hour, may magaanounce "Jailers! Jail anybody wearing red!" Sampung piso ang piyansa.

Magbenta ng sure seats tickets na tig iisang daan isa. Dalawang ticket ang minimum pag masyadong malaki ang hita ng pasahero.

Gawing parentahan yung public announcement system. Bente pesos ang one-liner greetings. Singkwenta magrequest ng kanta. Isandaan sa gusto kumanta. Isanlibo at pitik sa kuyukot para sa gustong kumanta ng sintunado.

Sarcasm, Irony, Condescending

Hi guys. Before the internet totally kills off what little literal value these words have, I'd like to put out a public service reminder to jackasses who think these three words are interchangeably usable on any funny situation, joke, or picture.

 It's called "sarcasm" when you say one thing and intend to mean the opposite. It's "irony" when something becomes opposite of its original intent. And finally, it's "condescending" when somebody who's in a better state makes note of a worse state.

Kinda like this post.

Sarcasm:
 "You're so beautiful today. I bet all the guys in school are already lining up just to catch a glimpse of your unbridled splendor."

Irony:
"Apple repeatedly warned that it would "not stand for having our IP ripped off"

Condescending:
"You must be so good at discerning the difference of sarcasm, irony, and condescending. It's must've been such a long research. Please, educate us with your ideas."

 (The energy used to publish this post is powered 100% by the collective spinning of dead English grammar teachers in their graves)

P-p-p-protest!

What's the use in protesting online if the people who call the shots don't even know how to use the internet? Are we secretly hoping that the media will run out of stories to run and put a spotlight in our actions so people outside the wire will notice? If you want to protest, get a cabbage, then stab it with a rusty knife and leave it there. Put a label on the knife as "internet" and the cabbage as "you" then leave it on someone's doorstep. So there. 

I'm not making shit up

I'd be more understanding if we didn't have the internet. I'd be more understanding if we still live in an age when the answer to every question regarding unexplained mystery includes the word "keebler elves". But we're not. We have the fucking internet, where questions get answered faster than multiple choice exams when it's time to pass the paper.

Why do people still feel that the government needs to support every other "pinoy" invention that pops up online? Take the water car for example. It's like every other year, somebody rediscovers that once upon a time somebody tried to convince people that cars could run on water, fucking sir Newton and his laws of thermodynamics ass-end. The only reason, these people assert, that cars aren't being fueled by Wilkins refilling stations is that the government won't support the invention. And now foreign companies are buying the invention and they'll be running cars on water abroad while we're stuck with old diesel and Vina Morales demo tapes here in the Philippines.

Firstly, that somebody's name is Daniel Dingel.

Secondly, he's in jail.

Thirdly, the "foreign" company that bought his invention sent him there.

For Fraud.

Listen. The whole "the government wont support me" thing? It's just an excuse for failed inventions. It's not like the invention is a space ship, or a new dam design, or even a presidential hair growth formula. Those are the things that need government funding to bloom (see what I did there?) but we're talking about a water car here.

Do you think the guy who invented bread actually had to have government funding? Did the fleshlight receive grants from the Japanese Government? No. But they're popular already anyway. We're talking about a car that runs on fucking water. WATER. If you show people it works, people will throw money at you. Everybody would pay top dollar for a chance to get out of the oil corporation's orgy of price increases. A lot of people will want to invest on stuff that they think will be profitable to them. That's why we call it capitalism. Because when you get that much money being thrown at you, everything you say WILL BE IN CAPITAL.

If I had a wicked awesome invention, say a water powered fleshlight (patent pending), the last thing I'd ever want is to have the government involved in it, although admittedly, the government would make good quality testers.

They're the experts in screwing, afterall.