Ass-swearing machine

I checked my cellphone which i had placed in the pockets of my pants today. I saw that it had placed at least five calls, one of which was to my ex, for which she sent a nice big "you suck" SMS reply. All this happened with the knowledge of me locking the keypad of my phone before placing it inside my pocket.

In the brief span of my commute, my asscheeks was able to unlock the phone, make a few calls, and tell my ex something unsavory. Whowever said a certain level of intelligence is needed to use a cellphone needs to reconsider the case of my ass.