Another Facebook One-Liner Roundup

Thursday, September 06, 2012

"There's a sense of irony in seeing a witty quip about Sotto's stolen speech being reposted anonymously all over Facebook. Let's not kid ourselves. Sotto isn't the root of the problem. He's just the most blatant, most expensive manifestation of it."

"When you get kids, enroll them in college first, then highschool, then gradeschool, then kindergarten. Inflation-wise, its' cheaper that way."

"The Avengers: A movie about a special group of intellectual property rights out to defend the world from special effects with the amazing use of one-liner witticisms."

"I am starting to think the is some hidden market where you can sell likes, shares, and comments given the number of people who beg, coerce, and guilt trip just to get more of these. At the very least, do you get to convert them to Glico's tickets?"

"People keep dreaming up that martial rule is coming again. It's not. No sane Filipino would allow it to happen again. But because a lot of people's defining moments came during that era, they conjure up its ghost so that they can continue reliving that part of their life, even without the hard tack of reality. Get of the streets. Get a job. Go back to your classroom. We need a different kind of hero nowadays."

"The thing that makes it hard to quit while you're winning is that you're winning."

"I think there'd be far less wastage of tissue paper if people know what went on in making them. Every restaurant should have a tree in the middle and whenever somebody asks for tissue, you hand them an axe and a mortar and pestle."

"Dapat ata yung mga initiation ng frat, gawin na lang pagkain ng marshmallow. That way, if anybody dies from frat initiations, it'll be a festive headline. "Frat member, patay dahil kumain ng maraming maraming marshmallow.""

"Typical IBM mentality. Produce a 16mb installer for a DB2 "lite" driver. Localize into about 30 different countries/languages by making 30 variations of that same installer. Bundle all that up in one convenient package totaling 500MB in size, even though you, the developer, will NEVER EVER EVER EVER have to use a SLOVAK or a SWAHILI version. :|"

"Power isn't about having a lot of something. It's about knowing where to use it. It's in the same way a dam produces electricity not by storing a lot of water but by having generators that make use of the water it expels. #sickdaymunimunis"

"Once upon a time we all thought knowing what complete strangers were thinking would be such an awesome superpower.Thanks to Twitter trends,we now know better. I can only feel bad for Professor X."

"Time travel can change only your circumstance, never your character."

"When I was young, I told myself I'd study hard to so I can earn enough money to buy all the things that I wanted one day. Now that I can afford to buy those things, I'm already to old to enjoy them... just kidding. F*** you I'll buy all the computer games that want and send time-travelling gloats to my younger self. :P"

"Who can say better that the world is round than somebody standing on the moon? Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out the big picture for those who can't see better from within."

"There is probably no better example of democracy bastardized than a contest decided by the number of facebook likes.

"The funny thing about memory is that the easier you can recall something without thinking, the less likely your brain will store it in your brain. So the more pictures you take of your life, the more you convince your brain to not take down any details, and pretty soon, without those thousands of pictures you've archived over the years, you'd have nothing to reminisce about at all."

"Practically speaking, the only time you'll ever get whiter skin coming back from the beach is when you drown. Put that way, the darker skin thing ain't as bad as you think."

"Diligo victum totus praeter retineo ordo. Love conquers all, except restraining orders."

"If tuna makes you sexy, how come whales are... well... whales?"

"Say what you will, but until you can differentiate and perform at least four types of honking, you're not a real Filipino driver."
"Watching Paquiao fight is like watching a butcher kill with a hammer. Donaire's that same butcher killing with a clown suit and a spritzer."

"Stocks has got to be the ultimate spectator sport. The more you play, the more you suck. The more you just sit back and watch, the more you get good."

"Max's Chicken All You Can Season must be equivalent to a manok's Halloween."

"‎"So what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a criminal lawyer."
"Oh, I figured half as much"
"Really now, what gave you the idea that I'm a lawyer?"
"Not that half."
- Random skits that occur in my brain while commuting."

"You don't have to understand to appreciate, but you have to appreciate to understand."

"Kaya ba merong custom plate kasi may mga driver na hindi kayang tandaan ang tatlong letra at tatlong numero ng sasakyan nila?"

"If ever, the whole UST vs UP debacle has only proven that every school has its share of jerks who only exist to serve as a reason to not talk about educational backgrounds unnecessarily."

"Aminin mo na. Makikiinom ka na lang sa coleman ng kaklase mo, namimili ka pa ng tubig na hindi lasang galing sa poso."

"When a person talks about the government as though the only person running the show is Aquino, I automatically mark that person as a numbskull, and proceed to talk about less mentally demanding topics."

Filipinos in general have no concept of systemic problems. It's either one single person's fault or nobody's at all. See you at the 37th EDSA revolution


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