Dead Stop

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I want to be selfish for this post. I want to talk about myself for just a few hundred words. I don't feel like cracking jokes at the moment, so if your visit to this site is for that purpose, sorry. Come back in a couple of days and we'll continue our laughs.

When I was in gradeschool, I forced myself to stay at the top section so I can make sure I stay in the same school in highschool. When I was in highschool I forced myself to get decent grades so I can enter a good college. When I was in college I tried hard to graduate on time so I can get myself into a decent company with a decent salary to support a future family. When I entered a decent company I worked hard so I can get myself a higher position. And a higher position. And a higher position. All the while, I felt like I have my life on track and I'm smoothly moving along.

Last month, I finally got the position that I've only dreamed about as early as college. I got the goal I've been looking at for a very long time now. I should be happy, really. It's just that one of the mornings after, I woke up realizing I've nothing else to do. And quite frankly, in terms of career, I feel like I've hit a pretty solid dead end.

Yes, there are still higher positions out there. And yes, I think there's a remote possibility I may go higher, but you know, somewhere along the way, I just realized that ascending the corporate ladder is like climbing a mountain. The higher you go up, the harder it gets to breathe. I'm starting to think if I get any higher I'll just choke and die.

Literally, a dead end.

Work's gotten twice as heavy compared to as recent as three months ago and looking at things, I'm now doing more work than when I was still in my previous company (which I left for reasons of overwork). Despite doing exactly what I visualized I would be doing, I suddenly don't feel like I'm enthusiastic about it. My new line of work changes my appearance to a lot of people, and moreover, it changes me.

I used to think if I were presented with the opportunity, I'd grab it because I wanted it. Somehow, things didn't turn out to be that way. In the end, I got to where I am now not because I wanted it, but because I can and I should, for many reasons I cannot discount.

There's a silver lining to every cloud, and I should be thankful that I even got as far as I did at my age. It's quite an achievement, and yes, I feel blessed to have what I have now. However, as far as fulfillment goes, I couldn't find it where I thought it would be.

We can't always get what we want.

But sometimes, even if we do have what we want, we still don't get it.

At least right now, I don't.


Jherskie said...

'Grats for the promotion, Jethro!

As regards your predicament, I sure as hell can relate. But then again, if you reach the pinnacle of the mountain you're climbing, look at other peaks - there are plenty more out there. At the very least, savor every moment you breathe the air on your mountaintop - there are lots of things to behold from your vantage point; be sure to see everything in every possible angle so that you will not regret missing anything when you climb down.


wicked walk said...

yeah, the tragedy of the human condition: discontentment. although i do see it more as a good thing than bad. agree on the looking at other peaks testament, and adding to that is sometimes a change of routine. sometimes, we can push ourselves to things we didn't do before - sports for example, or music, or the love of poetry or any form of literature for that matter. my point is: we have this stupid cycle, that at the end of every path is an intersection, and we decide on where we want ourselves to be. we could just stay fucked up in that crossroad, waiting for an impossible green light. Or we drive faster, until the next intersection. paikot ikot lang yun. haha.

BTW got your blog link from marco. felipe.


Thanks man. I really needed that.

But is it not through discontentment that we evolve? (or die trying)

Anonymous said...

no wonder i never got promoted :P


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