Dead Stop

I want to be selfish for this post. I want to talk about myself for just a few hundred words. I don't feel like cracking jokes at the moment, so if your visit to this site is for that purpose, sorry. Come back in a couple of days and we'll continue our laughs.


When I was in gradeschool, I forced myself to stay at the top section so I can make sure I stay in the same school in highschool. When I was in highschool I forced myself to get decent grades so I can enter a good college. When I was in college I tried hard to graduate on time so I can get myself into a decent company with a decent salary to support a future family. When I entered a decent company I worked hard so I can get myself a higher position. And a higher position. And a higher position. All the while, I felt like I have my life on track and I'm smoothly moving along.


Last month, I finally got the position that I've only dreamed about as early as college. I got the goal I've been looking at for a very long time now. I should be happy, really. It's just that one of the mornings after, I woke up realizing I've nothing else to do. And quite frankly, in terms of career, I feel like I've hit a pretty solid dead end.

Yes, there are still higher positions out there. And yes, I think there's a remote possibility I may go higher, but you know, somewhere along the way, I just realized that ascending the corporate ladder is like climbing a mountain. The higher you go up, the harder it gets to breathe. I'm starting to think if I get any higher I'll just choke and die.

Literally, a dead end.

Work's gotten twice as heavy compared to as recent as three months ago and looking at things, I'm now doing more work than when I was still in my previous company (which I left for reasons of overwork). Despite doing exactly what I visualized I would be doing, I suddenly don't feel like I'm enthusiastic about it. My new line of work changes my appearance to a lot of people, and moreover, it changes me.

I used to think if I were presented with the opportunity, I'd grab it because I wanted it. Somehow, things didn't turn out to be that way. In the end, I got to where I am now not because I wanted it, but because I can and I should, for many reasons I cannot discount.

There's a silver lining to every cloud, and I should be thankful that I even got as far as I did at my age. It's quite an achievement, and yes, I feel blessed to have what I have now. However, as far as fulfillment goes, I couldn't find it where I thought it would be.

We can't always get what we want.

But sometimes, even if we do have what we want, we still don't get it.

At least right now, I don't.