Facebook One Liner Roundup

Thursday, December 15, 2011

A banana cue is just a more liberal turon.

"Niche companies that would die without Christmas: Mug makers, Song remixers (Christmas version), Queso De Bola manufacturers, and companies that make "Something green", "Something red", and "something cute"."

"Give a man another hundred years to live and a hundred year hence, he'd be laughing at every problem he has now. Most things in life's a joke, medyo slow lang ata talaga tayo."

"So if some pageant contestant privately disses the same stupid show that everybody else was publicly dissing a few months back, it's now a big deal? Filipinos just love to rage about all the unimportant things."

"Sana ako na lang si Mabini at ikaw si Bonifacio. Para 10 piso lang, magkasama na tayo palagi."

"Listen, I don't care how new you are to driving or what kind of backwater driving school you went to. You really should learn to use the signal lights whenever you're negotiating a corner or changing lanes. (hint: It's the stick behind your steering wheel that doesn't control the wipers)"
"Luckily a vampire never needs coins, because he doesn't need to follow barya lang po sa umaga. "

"Ever notice how trends are getting stupider and stupider? They're not. That's old age settling in without you noticing it."

"So the SUV in front of me had a faux-european carplate beneath an NBI comemorative plate, yellow lights for braking, an anti-RH bill sticker, and a bad case of smoke belching. I never thought a vehicle's rear could drum up so much hate in such a short time. Mind. F'ing. Blown."

"I refuse to acknowledge that a hero like Andres Bonifacio always went to war with a half unbuttoned shirt like the monuments and paintings would have us believe. I'm sure somewhere in the KKK Kode of Konduct, there's a clause there against man cleavages."

"If a Bohol rep can change EDSA to Cory Aquino Avenue, I propose we change Tagbilaran's name to Peanut Kisses. Everybody loves those things."

"The real worst airport is the one where you land in the middle of the ocean. Good luck clearing through immigration when your ass is five miles away from the rest of you. "
"What the Arroyos don't want you to know: That neckbrace can connect to an exoskeleton that has chainsaws for arms, rocket boosters, and ten-wheeler truck feet. You let her out of the country, she'll return as mechagodzilla or something."

"Last Sunday the priest had the gall to say that Santa Claus does not exist in front of so many children. He's lying because there was one time I saw him running on our neighbor's roof carrying their colored TV."

"Oft a grave error to mistake being swept by the current as personal progress."

"Thank you Vice. 95 million people, 3 joke variations."

"People will believe anything as long as you include a badass soundtrack to go along with it. #gullibletoads"

"‎(3:36:34 PM) nefasturis: I was going to ask for your comment about people who invert their names for nicknames and then realized it doesn't apply to names like Anna
(3:36:49 PM) nefasturis: Because, how would I know if you're already doing it? :|"

"Every 4-person thesis group ever: Leonard (leads), Donatello (does machines), Raphael (Cool, but rude), Michelangelo (#@$*& party dude)"

"‎"Sinong sumanib sayo? Sino? May pangalan ba sya? Kung sino ka man na nanloob sa aming kaibigan, magpakilala ka!"

"Ako si Red Horse. Red Horse Extra Strong.""

"Taena. Saludo ako kay Noli. Nobody can report about elves, ghosts, and other folklore with a serious tone for many years and still retain enough credibility to run and win vice presidency AND go back to reporting evening news."

"just keep chipping away at it. like the sea pounding a rock solid cliff it will erode over time, not because of strength, but because of consistency"

"Until facebook, I didn't know God talked through apps."

"I wish I had a dog named 20k so when people ask me what I do to exercise, I say "I walk 20k in the morning and in the evening.""

"The scariest part of growing up is watching everybody around you grow younger. There's something disconcerting about seeing your grand old barber replaced by a kid who would not look so out of place in "Ang TV"."

"People say fortune favors those who know how to wait. What they should be saying is that fortune favors those who know what to wait for."

"If you can give advice that's generic enough to say even without understanding the problem, you have a future as a horoscope writer. : )"

"Bago pa nauso ang planking, hindi ba mahilig na tayo manabla?"

"You're 30,000 feet up in the air where there's not enough oxygen for any scream, moving 3x faster than anything alive in nature, strapped to an heavy metal object that only flies through the explosive power of combustible fuel. So who was the smart ass that thought "Hmm, maybe this is the best time to sell duty-free gucci watches and fine wine"?"

"Globe's finally connecting people by forcing to meet them up in person."

"There are two kinds of dreams. One that you spend sleep on, and the other, with everything else."

"In hk, night buses go half as fast with twice as many stops. The same cannot be said of edsa buses that turn on warp speed at the strike of midnight."

"You mean the world to me, if I cared for the world, I mean."

"Why is San Marino Corned Tuna trying to market their product as a symbol of romance? ITS CANNED FISH. Barring mass hunger and the extinction of every marine life on the planet, giving somebody canned tuna floating in salt and vegetable oil in the interest of romance is NOT going to end well."

"Whenever somebody asks me for payment, I ask them if they accept time deposits. I don't have money but I certainly have time to spare."

"If you're obsessive compulsive, does it also mean you support arranged marriages?"

"In between moments you're telling the world how much youre having fun, you really should."

"You'll know democracy is dead when somebody loses a national election horribly and still manages to get power higher than the office he ran for. Binay's evil and all, but seriously, **** Mar Roxas for being the biggest line cutter in the land."

"Why are eggs sold by the dozen? Who decided that if I wanted to consume one, I might as well eat eleven more?"
"So do you click because you like something or to do you like something kasi click?

"As a kid I also had dangerous toys, but not because they might poison me. We were playing with tops with cold hard metal nail tips spinning at a hundred rpm thrown with a lashing cord that made the trajectory even more unpredictable.We caught them with our bare, prepubescent hands. There was not so much danger of getting cancer as there was the danger of accidentally reenacting the climax of The Passion."

"And the funniest thing of all, is that the things they scold you for in school are the ones that actually count! TALKING. PLAYING. STANDING. Reporting for f'ing duty, life!"

"So if we celebrate Christmas as soon as the BER months start and end it by Three Kings, that means we're spending more than one third of the year celebrating it. By comparison, there are only two weekends per week, which means we get more Christmas days than all the Saturdays and Sundays combined."

"Wala palang silbe sabihin ang "Pag di na ako busy, gagawain ko na ito." kasi mahirap talaga maging hindi busy para sa isang bagay na hindi mo pa ginagawa. Kung gusto mo talaga ang isang bagay, simulan mo agad. Dahil hindi lumalaki ang oras sa isang araw, kusang magaadjust na ang buhay mo para pagkasyahin lahat ng ginagawa mo. Di mo lang mamamalayan, may puwang na para sa pangarap na dapat matupad."


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