Skating FAQ (fa-kyu)

I was out skating earlier tonight and I realized that even with the existence of ice rinks in our country for almost 15 years now (Megamall's rink opened '92), there's still just too many noobs who are wondering about the hows and whats of Ice Skating. So, as a community service for y'all here's my short guide on the darn thing.

What is Ice Skating?
Crudely defined, it's where you wear badly designed shoes that balance on thin metal rails that look like parts of an owner-type jeep at some point in their existence. You use these shoes to skid through ice and try as hard as possible to not look like a walrus in heat. I dont know what a walrus in heat looks like but I guess they skid on ice a lot using their bodies. It's actually fun.

Where can I ice skate here in the 'Pines?
There are three public rinks, one in SM Megamall, another in SM Southmall and another in SM Mall of Asia. MoA has the biggest one, and the equipment there is the best among the three so it's the best choice. The best time for skating is at night starting from 6pm onwards, because there are fewer people and the people who remain are generally courteous. NEVER skate on Sunday mornings.

How much will it cost me?
Standard fee is 350 for a whole day of skating. 30 pesos for locker rentals - you'll need lockers to store your shoes, bags, and dentures.

What should I bring?
Actually most of these things are optional but they will be important if you intend to have fun in the rink. Trust me on this.

- Socks. I can't stress hard enough the type of socks that you should bring. You'll need thick cotton socks that have ankle support and are long enough to go up to at least your shin. Reason? Rental skates have very rough insides and since your skates will be attached to your feet and moving a lot, friction can easily create wounds in your feet without proper protection. They're high-cut too so footsocks are unacceptable.

- Extra socks. Rental skates tend to get wet after somebody uses it and it really really smells. No matter how quick your session is, the socks you used will smell like leather boots after wading through flood. You dont want to wear these socks longer than you need to. Not unless athlete's foot is now in fashion. :)

- Jacket. The temp inside the rink can swing between 9-16 degrees. If youre a beginner and you won't be sweating so much, it will feel much colder. Don't think you're cool enough to not need one. Bring a jacket - nobody ever wants to have sex with shivering purple coloured fucks. (the rink is actually an awesome place to bring out your porma jacket, if you have one)

- Pants. Of course you can't walk around naked, but that's not exactly what I'm trying to say. For the girls, wear pants on your first time. The ice can be very rough on the skin during falls and if you want your legs to stay smooth, wear jeans. Not too tight though, for very obvious reasons (i.e. you're fat)

Do I need to wear a helmet?
This is actually where people get sensitive. There are free helmets available for everybody, even adults. And no, wearing helmets is not fashionable - it's for safety. If it's your first time and you have nobody to help you with your skating, wear a helmet. Sure it looks short-bus retarded, but at least when you fall down and bonk your head, you won't actually end up retarded. Actual retards need not bother with helmets.

Any other tips?
Sure. Ice skating is fun and safe if you keep in mind the following things:

1. Do not act like an idiot. This is the primary rule of any sport that involves high speeds and metal objects. If you think you can do something you just saw from an intermediate skater, just junk that thought. You'll probably do it wrong and end up injuring yourself. Everything should be done gradually, even the basics. Speeding up is easy, control should be your focus. Which brings us to:

2. Balance. The ice is very slippery. That's why it's ice. You should make balancing your priority. Always make sure your center of gravity is in your middle. Never do any other action like speeding up or turning without you having a firm balance.

3. Learn how to fall and how to get up from a fall. Falling is inevitable. Just tonight, I fell twice. Yes it hurts, and yes my left leg feels numb right now but that's just how falling is. Apart from that, it's all fun and games, so better have that one out of the way. Have somebody teach you how to fall and how to get up (if you're learning alone, ask an instructor to teach you that, it's easy to teach so you need not pay - but if you want to, tip anyway) . Always make sure your fists are closed when you are down. Fingers tend to come off when high speed figure skates run into them.

4. When your feet hurt, stop skating and check why. Continuing while in pain might lead to bruises and wounds. Either your skates' shoesize is wrong, your socks are too thin or your lacing is not tight enough.

5. Lastly, be friendly. If you need to ask somebody for help, just do so in the most polite manner you can. Skating is a social activity and you should treat it that way. Nobody wants to skate around an antisocial asshole (more like skate over them) so at the very least, smile :D

So there. I offer free basic skating tutorials upon request to friends as long as friends don't equate to guy/group of guys, again, for very obvious reasons. If you're not my friend, become one first. (proverbial foreplay before sex) Just drop a message on my YM if you're interested.

Riddle me this, riddle me that, what's gayer than Elton John's pink hat?
Two guys ice skating.