How A Gentleman "Rolls"

More advice from Red, this time, it's live advice for a friend in need. (Because I'm friendly like that).

[17:06] friendwhoisanonymous: btw jet, gimme a place sa glorietta area na nde masyado mahal, and okay food for a treat
[17:06] redkinoko: whats your budget?
[17:07] redkinoko: bawal greenbelt?
[17:08] friendwhoisanonymous: um
[17:08] friendwhoisanonymous: 400? 500?
[17:08] redkinoko: anak ng jueteng
[17:08] redkinoko: per person yan?
[17:09] redkinoko: paps, libre mo na lang ako. kiss pa kita sa boobs.
[17:09] friendwhoisanonymous: nde
[17:09] friendwhoisanonymous: gago
[17:09] redkinoko: hahaha
[17:09] friendwhoisanonymous: 2 kame
[17:09] friendwhoisanonymous: i guess 300-400
[17:09] redkinoko: dinner, lunch, brunch, coffee time?
[17:10] friendwhoisanonymous: i dont have a job -_-
[17:10] friendwhoisanonymous: prolly dinner or lunch
[17:10] friendwhoisanonymous: break time
[17:10] friendwhoisanonymous: or uwian
[17:10] redkinoko: mexicali mga 200 per person sya usually
[17:11] redkinoko: but it's not exactly classy, exotic lang
[17:11] redkinoko: favorite ni alex yun though
[17:11] friendwhoisanonymous: hhmm yeah
[17:11] friendwhoisanonymous: i know
[17:11] friendwhoisanonymous: but i love those nachos and buritos
[17:11] redkinoko: rice meals are good too
[17:11] friendwhoisanonymous: ^___^
[17:12] redkinoko: hmmm
[17:14] friendwhoisanonymous: i'm at a loss
[17:14] friendwhoisanonymous: haha
[17:40] redkinoko: okay, spaghetti house is okay, if you want sharing, north park or gerrys.
[17:40] redkinoko: if you have a death warrant, go bubba gumps
[17:41] friendwhoisanonymous: hahaha
[17:41] redkinoko: ah pare
[17:41] redkinoko: I KNOW
[17:41] friendwhoisanonymous: north park
[17:41] friendwhoisanonymous: chinese food
[17:41] redkinoko: exotic, delicious and cheap
[17:41] redkinoko: Dusit Thani
[17:41] redkinoko: lololol
[17:41] friendwhoisanonymous: wtf?
[17:41] friendwhoisanonymous: havent eaten there before
[17:41] redkinoko: but you know the place?
[17:42] friendwhoisanonymous: not really
[17:42] friendwhoisanonymous: haha
[17:42] redkinoko: tapat sya ng glorietta elevator 2nd floor
[17:42] redkinoko: right beside oliver's super sandiwiches
[17:42] friendwhoisanonymous: glorietta what?
[17:43] redkinoko: the elevator in the glorietta activity center
[17:43] redkinoko: it's in the middle of the fucking place. you cant possibly miss it. (there's a huge swatch watch beside it)
[17:43] friendwhoisanonymous: so what's the menu like there?
[17:44] redkinoko: There's Phad Thai noodles - you can order one and share kayo.
[17:44] redkinoko: But I'd recommend Tomm Yum Goong (shrimp lemongrass soup)
[17:44] redkinoko: and Chicken Satay
[17:44] redkinoko: The Tomm Yum Goong isnt even 100 pesos and is good for two people
[17:45] redkinoko: Then there's the satay, im not sure how much it costs but it's not too expensive either
[17:45] redkinoko: 6 sticks yun each
[17:45] redkinoko: prepare some Thai-landerish anecdotes for your friend before hand
[17:45] redkinoko: like how the Tom Yum originated
[17:46] redkinoko: or the white elephant of the king
[17:46] redkinoko: make sure you mention Yule Bryner and "The King And I"
[17:46] redkinoko: always smile even if you accidentaly bite something spicy
[17:46] friendwhoisanonymous: dude its not a date
[17:46] redkinoko: do NOT spit anything back
[17:46] redkinoko: a gentleman considers every meal as a form of entertainment for whoever he dines with
[17:47] redkinoko: he is expected to keep the atmosphere uplifting, and the food at a constant temperature by staring at it for prolonged periods of time
[17:47] friendwhoisanonymous: hahahaha
[17:48] redkinoko: then for dessert, order ka ng thai pudding
[17:48] redkinoko: i forgot what it's called, but there's a picture in the menu and it looks like puto
[17:48] friendwhoisanonymous: so expected total damage would be?
[17:48] redkinoko: it's actually Maja Blanca on bananaleaves and is absolutely delicious
[17:48] redkinoko: if im not mistaken, your bill wont reach 500
[17:49] redkinoko: specially if you're eating out with a timid girl
[17:49] redkinoko: just keep 100 extra to be on the safe side
[17:50] redkinoko: a gentleman also tips after a meal. he discretely places the tip on the bill tray and clasps his hand
[17:50] redkinoko: and says "gracias mio indio."
[17:50] friendwhoisanonymous: maybe i should try dining there first
[17:50] friendwhoisanonymous: para mejo alam ko
[17:50] redkinoko: lol what's this densha otoko?
[17:50] friendwhoisanonymous: hahaha
[17:50] redkinoko: JUST FUCKING EAT MAN
[17:50] redkinoko: tell her it's also your first time there
[17:51] redkinoko: tell her a man with a throbbing gargantuan cock recommended the place
[17:51] redkinoko: dude, honesty. it's so rare nowadays, women find it attractive.
[17:51] friendwhoisanonymous: what is rare?
[17:51] redkinoko: HONESTY
[17:51] redkinoko: you gotta be true to yourself, you gotta tell her no lies
[17:52] redkinoko: and you gotta make sure you only slap when she's asking for it in bed.
[17:52] redkinoko: that's how a gentleman "rolls"
[17:53] friendwhoisanonymous: tangina stop giving me dating tips
[17:53] friendwhoisanonymous: its not a date
[17:53] friendwhoisanonymous: lol
[17:53] redkinoko: tangina mo rin. keep lying to yourself like that and you'll find yourself jumping out of a building thinking youre a superhero.
[17:53] redkinoko: "tangina stop giving me tips for humans."
[17:53] redkinoko: "im not human"
[17:53] redkinoko: "lol"
[17:54] redkinoko: oh and yeah, we're chatting before a live studio audience. This will appear on my blog.


[17:55] redkinoko: soooo
[17:55] redkinoko: now for the more interesting part
[17:55] redkinoko: who's the lucky guy?

Kidding aside, Dusit Thani is a pretty cool spot. It's not exactly the classiest place in town but it delivers when it comes to bang for the buck. I'll probably post more tips from "Redkinoko's The Perfect Gentleman's Guide To ..."

Yeah, even the title's not finished.

Because Stupidity Hates Company

Yesterday I told you how to fake resume entries. Today, I will teach you how to read fake ones. Remember, we're on the absolutely rational assumption here that all resume's are 90% made of lies and 10% made of half-truths. I took a sample resume from some online help centre for our analysis, just so I don't have to expose some douchebag's con (see? I'm friendly afterall).

Redkinoko, HR Manager (comments in red)
--------------------------------------------

RICHARD ANDERSON,

1234, West 67 Street,
Carlisle, MA 01741,
(123)-456 7890.

OBJECTIVE

To work for Internet based firm in web developer capacity.

At this point, your bullshit meter should be warming up already. His missing articles and ambiguous usage of words indicate that he's not concentrating while making this, because he was probably surfing for porn at the moment. All web developers tend to pickup that habit.

Ideal position would provide exposure to various design projects in different market segments, (i.e. corporate, e-commerce, etc.).

Translation: A work with internet access is the best.

Will trade creative mind and valuable technical skill set for position with advancement possibilities and career guidance.

By creative mind he probably means "stealing office supplies in a way you won't notice" and DoTA is probably a technical skill set nowadays.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

• Developed personal web page (http://www.mysite.com) for regional design contest. Awarded most creative use of audio integration by New Jersey Web Developer Society. (Translation: My website has Eminem playing in the background. Hire me if you like eminem.)
  
• Worked through college by contracting web design projects for Central New Jersey area clients. Created pages for area legal firms and medical practices. ( By area legal firms and medical practices, he probably means mafia syndicates and abortion clinics.)
  
• Donated abilities and time to area not for profit entities that required technical abilities in creation of web pages. (area not for profit entities, if that means nonprofit orgs, is probably some messageboard that contains anime porn) Focus was primarily to distribute data. (one word: piracy) However, I did implement on line contribution ability and follow up email programs for prospective contributors. (two words: piracy promotion)
  

CAPABILITIES

• Proficient in various web design programs including HTML, Adobe PhotoShop, Shockwave, Dreamweaver, Perl, FrontPage and others. Extensive use and knowledge of end user programs and browser integration problems for web page design. (Translation: I have the following skills: I can press F1 for help, I can read English, and I can Google)
• Experienced graphic illustrator and designer. (Translation: I like vandalizing walls during my spare time. I also do designer drugs.)
• Hardware and software abilities. Knowledge of LAN technology with experience on various platforms including Windows 95/98, NT, Novel and Unix. (Translation: I like playing network games.)
  
• Excellent planning and communication skills. Natural presentation and sales skills, particularly in areas of technical data and e-commerce issues. (Translation: CTC? ASL? WANNA CYBER? I PUT ON MY ROBE AND WIZARD HAT.)

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
Theresa College, Brookdale, NJ
Computer Room Assistant, 1999 - 1999

Managed computer room for college students. Required to perform various help desk and management duties as well as assist in myriad project assignments for computer animation courses. ("I are teh press teh power buttons". Myriad isn't a word used by real nerds. Well maybe homosexual nerds, but don't be too optimistic.)

Betasearch.com, Inc., Bound Brook, NJ
Intern / Web Developer, 1998 - 1999 (See employment date? He caused the catastrophic collapse of the WWW bubble economy.)

Assigned various duties including web page maintenance and design of Betasearch home page. Assisted programmers in implementation of video and imagery onto site as well as text editing on line and on line sales inventory. Helped implement Betasearch referral programs and establish product order form page.(I copy paste content onto our page. I can also use the computer keyboard. Neat huh?)

EDUCATION
Tyler University, New Hope, PA
BA, Computer Animation, Minor: Graphic Design, 1999
GPA: 3.5, Major GPA: 3.2. Various web page design and graphic design projects. Winner of multiple design awards in chose field among peers. (Translation: See, here's the thing, this may look like a sucky resume, and I'm probably lying more than Bush on Iraq, but I still got awards during college, so chances are if you're going to hire somebody else, you still won't be better off. What you can do instead, is just hire me and save time and money by being able to realize how much of a useless tard I am earlier - so you can fire me sooner than other candidates.)

See? That wasn't so hard now, was it? I should've been an HR manager.

Good Resume, Bad Resume

Okay okay, so maybe not everybody reading this blog is working already. But for those who are working already, I'd like you to take a look at your resumes and see how much of that is actually a wad of lies. Sure, maybe most of them are based on true facts but if you check harder, you'll realize how much padding they've already received just by being "phrased in a good way". Like photoshopping pictures of ugly you. Well, I'm not really going to criticize that, since lying to get hired is a given already and everybody probably does it in one way or another.

What I will do, however, is to at least even out the field by giving more ways of turning that resume into the bibliography of a million-dollar superathlete genius who is the direct offspring of a greek God. If you're doing a bad thing, you should at least do it good enough for it to be worth the risk of getting caught, right? So here's my short examples of of the good, the bad, and the unhirable.

Bad Resume Entry:
Failed board exam but with relatively high grades.
Good Resume Entry:
Satisfactory high grades; pending first board examination.
(protip: If at first you dont succeed, it never happened.)
Get-What-You-Want-Now Resume Entry:
Due to the my academic performance, the PRC has decided that I should skip the Board all together, because I might ace it so badly, they'd lose their credibility in testing new engineers.

Bad Resume Entry:
Last place in a four-school intercollegiate Computer Programming Contest.
Good Resume Entry:
Inter-University Programming Competition Semifinalist.
Get-What-You-Want-Now Resume Entry:
Entered Inter-University Programming Competition but won the Nobel Prize instead. The judges of the competition ruled the presence of another award-giving body within the competion as outright cheating. After a long legal battle, an out-of-the-court settlement was reached and it was decided that we would have to settle for a fourth place and have our names placed in the Nobel list of unsung winners instead.

Bad Resume Entry:
In charge of logging minutes for corporate meetings I'm not even assigned to.
Good Resume Entry:
Brainstorming session facilitator, ensures proper influx of thought paradigms across the organization.
Get-What-You-Want-Now Resume Entry:
Undercover anti-communist propaganda auditor for national security service comissioned by company president to monitor all activities while posing as lowly company secretary.

Actually, you dont have to go overboard with the lying. Getting the job this way won't be hard. It's the "keeping the job" part that'll get tricky. You dont want your boss going "HEY, I THOUGHT YOU COULD TYPE TELEKINETICALLY!" after catching you touch typing when he's supposedly not looking.

But maybe I'm just looking too far into the future. Sorry, I kinda told my employers I'm Nostradamus in my previous life. (and I'm not even into reincarnation LOL!)

Okay, this is one messed up post.

But, since we're all for balance here, we'll be offering you defense against stupid resume entries like these. Tomorrow: How to read Resume's like a pro.

Red Says

Some poster from Pex:

I have a classmate na beautiful and popular kaya lng she's such a *****. She's friendy towards everyone. pero you can feel na some of her actions are fake and sarcastic ung mga hirit nya.

I tried to ignore her na, but mas lalo nya akong hiniritan, and nagpaparinig lagi lol! i mean super mang-mata and girl na to and kahit konting bagay lng hanap sha ng way para laitin ka.

Annoying na talaga, ayaw ko naman patulan kasi i'm a guy and no one will back me up kc and i don't really have close friends sa school namin cause i'm more of a loner and just wait for the class to end then go home.

Any advice?

Red Says:

Pee on her. Though largely untested, I have a going theory that any girl can be turned straight after you urinate on them. Varying areas where the urine lands can garner different results.

Try mo lang. Even if it's not as effective as I hoped it to be, I'm sure you'll feel much better about yourself after that. (unless you have kidney stones, in which case I'd just give a sad face

He Replies:

You're crazy!

Red Says:

And you'll never know until you try. Start with drinking lots of liquid and practicing your aim.

So there you have it. Another soul saved. Heaven, here I come!

Fun With Chopsticks

Chopsticks are probably one of the most messed up tools on the planet, next to eyeball massagers. At least for the eyeball massager, they haven't been in use for around 200 years already. Chopsticks on the other hand are here to stay, causing more muscle spasm for generations to come. Am I the only one seeing the problem here?

First of all, why? It's a stick. Well, two sticks. What's so f'ing practical about that? After researching the origin of the chopsticks, I found out that according to archeological finds, they've been in use as early as 3200 years ago, first as primitive wooden implements to "prod" food being cooked in the fire. 3200, years later, the chopstick has developed into the primitive wooden implement we use to "prod" food being cooked in the fire today. *palm to face*

I have a theory of how this all started. Two chinese cavemen by the fire got bored (because let's face it, getting broadband and downloading bootlegged movies with funky chinese subtitles at that time was just f'ing impossible, you know what I mean?). Okay so they got bored and the conversation went something like this:

Pinpin: So when's our PS3 coming?
Lingling: In about 3202 years.
Pinpin: Damn. I'm bored.
Lingling: Is the food ready?
Pinpin: *Pokes roasting meat with stick* No.
Lingling: Hey I have a good idea for kicks.
Pinpin: What?
Lingling: What if we poke the meat with two sticks instead of one?
Pinpin: What's the difference?
Lingling: It's more challenging.
Pinpin: *holds two sticks together and pokes* No, it's not.
Lingling: Okay, try originally using a single stick and break it into two sticks and then hold the two sticks in the most fucked up way possible and try picking up shit using the two sticks. Betcha can't do that.
Pinpin: Oh yeah? Let's see you try. First person to get tired of this arrangement is gay.
Lingling: Prepare to be the world's first homo, caveboy.

Those two cavemen eventually died of starvation because no matter how hard you try, it's just impossible to eat a giant slab of dinosaur meat with just two sticks. Hence the archeological find. The rest of the cavemen found the test of manliness rather sporty, so the legacy of the chopsticks lived on.

So maybe we all make mistakes. We have to start somewhere. But what I don't get is why people still think it's still fucking "mod" to be using chopsticks when we already have invented the spoon and fork. It's like having cars already and then some people just go, "I think I'mma ride this stegasaurus for a while.."

And it's not like the spoon and fork is such a radical new idea. A chinese farmer away from f'ing civilization will have at least a shovel and a pitchfork in his farm. Choo choo. Clue train coming, it's your stop! If chopsticks are so damn effective, why aren't you using giant versions of them to haul soil out of the ground?

And for the record, I do know how to use chopsticks. And if by some chance you want to learn how to use them too, the easiest way is to throw yourself in the middle of China where asking for a spoon and fork without knowing their native tongue is harder than asking for democracy. Use the sticks or die of starvation - there are just some things that are easier to learn when your life's depending on it.

Maaan I hate chopsticks. Even the name's wrong. Those things can't even chop.

A Message To My Comrades

Okay, I just have to say this now. To the guys, know your role when it comes to women who tell their problems to you. I won't meander. Your role is to just listen. You don't need to act like Mr Fix-It. Contrary to what your manmeat (upper) is telling you, they're not as helpless at they look. Do NOT underestimate women. In doing so, they gain the advantage of surprise and you'll end up overexposing you more than required.

Ever wondered why even though you try to find possible solution to the problem of a distressed girl, and the solution seemed to be simple and sure enough, they never seem to find your advice practical? That's because that's not what they want. The just want you to listen.

Fixing problems for others will please your fellow men, but it won't get you in any better a situation when it's a girl venting on you. When a woman tells you her problem, she doesn't really want advice. It may look like it, but that's not what she REALLY wants. She just wants somebody who'll nod to whatever she thinks and say "uhuh" a lot of times. Trust me on this. Whatever advice you give or help you offer, it wont count as much as a single "uhuh" or "im with ya on that."

I understand if you find the urge to fix her problems to make her feel better. As a man, you're evolved to be a sophisticated tool user (pun not intended), so you can't help but use what you know works best to get you through in a problematic situation. Like if the spear works on tigers, the cave man thought maybe the spears will also work on their fellow cave men. Same idea here. So we try even if the problematic situation is just a woman who has her own trouble.

But women aren't as prone to spears as you may think.

Don't do it. Just listen.
-----------

(Sorry if this is senseless, I just have to vent out. )

In other news, I'm semi-broke again. I ended up buying shit I wasn't even planning to get and ignoring shit that I was supposed to get. Now, how do I survive a couple of days without eating...

McDonald's

McDonald's are like real-life "save points"* for travelling tourists. I don't know how to stress hard enough the importance of these establishments when you're on another part of the planet. Here are the usual issues of travelling in another country when you're alone and well, underinformed regarding local culture:

- You can't read anything.
- You can't talk without being misunderstood.
- You can't wander around too much because you might get lost and since you have the first two problems in hand, chances are you wont be able to do something about the "being lost" part either.
- Ordering food is always something akin to Fear Factor, since you'll never know what you're getting yourself into.

The two most common problems a tourist usually encounters when in another country is the same problem the neanderthal encountered when he appeared on earth some gajillion million years ago: lack of food and lack of porn. I was just kidding about the latter - man will always be inventive enough to overcome that (google: cave paintings). So anyway, here's the problem: you're basically hungry and you dont know where or what to eat, and if you do get the chance to order, the food might be bad for you or your finances or your reproductive system (maybe, who knows).

That's where McDonald's comes into play. Here are the benefits a foreigner gets from having a McDonald's branch near him:

- McDonald's has the universally recognizable symbol. The golden arch logo is a beacon that's more easily recognized than the red cross. To prove that it's more universal, if you go to the middle east, there's no red cross. It is replaced by a red crescent. Meanwhile, the McDonald's logo stays the same. So if you're travelling in some godforsaken alien country and you see it, you can say to yourself "Ah yes, McDonald's. Now I can rest." You don't have to know how to read in a foreign language. You know it's McDonald's just by the logo.

- The menu items and taste almost always never changes. The Big Mac in the States will more or less taste the same as that in Saudi Arabia. There will always be a Quarter Pounder on the menu (except in India, where it's forbidden to it beef. So they put human flesh instead - but they go out of their way just to make it taste like cow, which begs the question why cow is such a hard meat to eat in a country where half of it's population is already starving to death.) And the fries will always taste like fries. So as long as you're eating in a McDonald's, you can at least guarantee your tongue that you're not going to be playing hit and miss with the taste. Sure it won't taste too good, but at least you know how bad it gets already. Note that I did say "almost always" because when I was in Japan, McChicken became Chicken Tatsuta Sandwhich, which is basically seaweed, kelp and dead, undercooked chicken in a sandwich. Those sick people. Why did they have to call it something else when it tastes the same?

- The food items almost always are called the same. Well, not really. The pronounciation can be very different all over the world. But it's most certainly easier to order at McDonalds than to order a "lopangkauratatingpaktol" in the nearby thai restaurant and get the head of a dead moose on a soup bowl. The accents are not too different anyway. Like Mexicans call McNuggets "McNogads" or Arabs call Cheeseburgers "Yisberger yalalalah! Jihad! Yalalalalalah!" (just kidding, they dont yell that twice) but you get the idea most of the time. You already know what to order and they understand you. I said "almost always" again because of the Chicken Tatsuta example.

- Lastly, McDonald's almost always has restrooms. Unless you fancy peeing on the streets with your trousers on and you're zipper zipped up, this is always a blessing for the desperate tourist. I cant count how many times I've seen people saved from embarassment because of this feature.

McDonald's is a save point because it saves.

Now I'm not sure about the solution to world peace. But if ever there's a call for a unified government that transcends all borders of colors and ethnicity, I wouldn't be looking at the United Nations for a working pattern. I'd take a look at McDonald's and say

"Sig Heil! Sig Heil! Sig Heil!"


*In case you're old, technophobic, old-fashioned, amish, or just plain stupid, a "save point" is a term used in video games where you are able to save/store your the progress of long games such as role playing games so even after you have switched off the console, you will still be able to fail where you last failed. In some games, this is also where you can get your game life replenished. Public Static: Saving the world one idiot at a time.

In The Land Of The Chinese

(subtitle: There are Chinese in the land)

I was in a meeting today with several Chinese co-workers. At first it was cool, you know, I'm Filipino, they're Chinese - we all like rice, and we're talking in English. Like a mini United Nations minus the I-are-nuclear jokes. Sure, it's not really English as we know it. Some articles, pronouns, and prepositions may have been murdered in the process, but at least we're getting some information through.

Then this one guy entered the room. After a few minutes of struggling to talk to the other Chinese in English while trying to explain a point, I saw this one glint in his toothed smile that was requited by the other chinese, sorta like what you see when two gay pro wrestlers find each other a good match.

Then all hell broke loose.

What followed was some rapid fire Chinspeak that probably clocks faster than the processor of this PC. It's like the two suddenly supersaiyan'ed from 4 English words per minute to 10 Chinese essays per minute. After a while the rest of the chinese started speaking chinese too, rapid fire. I started thinking I was in the middle of a verbal warzone. Listening more carefully, I swear I could hear a Chinese beersong somewhere in the lingual orgy they were having.

I tried getting topic-related English words from their words but to no avail. It's like one minute we're talking about program requirements in English and the next moment, they're reciting chants from the f'ing Mahabarata. Occassionally I'd hear English words, but those that're completely out of topic. Imagine hearing something like:

Person1: Do tsei la. Poha poha. Unghou kao ma.
Person2: Ting ma tan lei, Shau kei wan po?
*SILENCE*
Everyone: (in Unison) BENITO MOUSSOLINI!
*Drunken Revelry*

And THEN they occassionally look at me and give me this crazy look, like they're waiting for my ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Acknowledge what? Oh man, it felt like trying to write a movie review for a Korean film whose crappy subtitles died off midway. I had to stab my leg twice with a pen to quell my urge for violence.

After about two hours of me pretending to understand whatever they were talking about, they finally got all their heads nodding in agreement. So I asked my seatmate what they've been talking about for the last two hours. To which she replies:

"They say it's ok."


(This little article is actually based off a section of a stand-up routine I'm working on. I'll upload a vid later. By leater, I mean, whenever I feel like it. Anyway, laterz.)

Terror Schmerror

I was at the airport again today. There I was getting all of my belongings/bodily cavities examined like I'm already guilty as a terrorist running for office when I saw a security officer confiscate what appeared to be a white bottle from a lady with almost full-white hair. In case you've been living under a rock or have been too stoned to actually care, liquids are banned now in carry-on luggages. That means you can't bring in anything that contains liquid with you, save for any contents you can stash on your digestive tract.

So anyway, the security officer explained the reason. The old lady, with a worried docile face that you'd expect in old people (along with the funny smell of soil) argued that it was her medicine. The officer insisted that she cannot carry it on, and almost had this "suck it up!" look. I didn't hear the rest of the conversation but I'm thinking one of the lines from the officer would sound like this:

"Sorry lady, it's either us who'll die from terrorism or you from lack of meds. I don't think terror attacks are covered by insurance so..."

I'm thinking, what's that about? I mean, if people on the plane let themselves get hijacked by somebody as old as that granny, using nothing but a bottle of prescribed medicine, THEY DESERVE TO DIE. I'd personally cheer whoever can do that on from the bleachers (or the wing tip, where applies). Snakes on a plane? No wai. Grannies with meds on a Plane. Now there's your real terror.

This so called war on terror is getting more and more ridiculous by the moment. We tried to banish terror with our motives - all we did was banish common sense.

Red Recommends

I've done several reviews for films here. Actually, they're not really reviews. They're more like passing mentions of really sucky films that keep on reminding me why I shouldn't be watching movies in theaters. Well, I guess it's time to change that. For this post, I want to recommend a movie that I can be branded with Red's Quality Seal of Approval (it's somewhat similar to an Oscar, less formal, but theoretically just as presitigious). For the first RQSA, I'll be giving it to:


In case you don't understand French, the review above basically says "If The Lord of War were shown 70 years earlier, we wouldn't have lost to Germany." And if the French who pride themselves in nothing but taste can say that, Lord of War is definitely something already.

The story can be best described with just one quote from the film's screenplay:

There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?

And that's basically what the film is all about. Arms dealing, as seen by the narrative experiences of protagonist Yuri Orlov, an arms dealer specializing in dealing Russian arms to almost every major conflict in the world.

The plot does not meander, like how real men tell their stories.

I won't go on fully reviewing why this film kicks much ass. I'd just be wasting time you could be spending watching this film. Forget The Godfather and the pansy boxing scenes there. Lord of War delivers. Here's a short list of reasons why you should watch it:

- Guns, Drugs, Prostitutes, Black Presidents.
- Child soldiers.
- Enough quotes to make the guy who invented quotes orgasm to his death.
- Nicholas Cage get shot. Twice if you have a broad definition of the word shot.

Actually, you don't need any more reasons than the one that counts. The film requires you to use your brain while watching. That should be enough.

Now stop reading this and go watch already.

(oh if in case you're wondering why I havent been updating, that's because I'll be going to HK again for two weeks this coming tuesday and I have a lot of things to fix before I go)