Paranoia

I know I shouldn't be making fun of dead people but I believe I've already stated before that dead and living people aren't much different other than one of them has a pulse. Both deserve respect and jokes, depending on the situation.

So, here's my take on the Cory Lidle and the forever nameless person he was riding with (Why can they find out who was sweeping the floor of the building where the plane crashed and NOT find out who the other guy is anyway? Is he Tupac's killer? Bin Laden?)

Apparently somebody decide to celebrate 9-11 by reenacting it.

I love the way the media sensationalizes a story like this. CNN played a special on it just this morning calling private planes "an open door to terrorism" and how "your building could be next" and how "a plane can be loaded with explosives and hijacked by terrorists."

Nobody ever thinks that altitude not taken into account (say this didnt happen on the 30th floor of the building but on the ground floor), this accident is no more than a vehicle malfunctioning and then slamming into somebody's home, killing the driver and whoever was riding shotgun. And then panic bullshit media sensationalism insists that any car could be a tool of terrorism.

Ding dong. Somebody's at the door. I think it's the UPS guy out to deliver this month's ration of common sense. He has a message and it says: Any thing can be loaded with bombs and turned into a terrorist plot device. Even a sandwich spread bottle.

God bless the UPS man.

As for the terrorists still thinking of using planes as an instrument of terrorism, do they even still exist? I mean if I knew there are cops expecting me to rob through the front door, wouldn't I find another way in?

I pity the guy from Homeland Security/Air Traffic Regulation Office who has to answer to the questions of security. His job will be the equivalent of finding a solution to making cars not hit households. I assume that after just one brainstorming session his mind would have waded on a flood of stupid ideas that may include:

- Constructing planes out of rubber.
- Attaching pillows on building surfaces.
- Gundams with antiaircraft laserblades.
- Force fields and Tractor beams.
- Attaching math exam papers on windows.
(they will ward off jock-type athletes at least)

And I thought my job was sucky.

My favorite article about the whole issue is this:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1110AP_Plane_Crash_Aircraft.html

It says the plane has its own parachute but "apparently" it was never used. I don't think I have to elaborate why this sounds ironic.

Maybe after this they'll think of attaching airbags instead.

Big-ass airbags with big blow-outs.

Think we-didn't-win-the-world-series blowout.

That big.

Bloghammer Prelude

I don't go back on my word. If I said I'll do something, I'll do it.

And I don't hind behind any alter-ego either.

I'm a go-getter person.

If I have a problem with your website, I'll post in your website.

Even if it means you start moping around because somebody took a mental dump on your comments page. If you think my comments are too harsh and you want to kill yourself for it, you probably deserve what's coming next.

And you'll be doing society a favor for doing that you feel like doing.

Go play sipa in traffic. Please.


Coming soon: Fully featured blogsites of awesome suckiness.

Significance Of The Last Piece

Filipinos are generally weird.

By weird I don't mean repulsive like some other nationalities *cough*goddamnthatcurryisgettingthroughyourskin*cough*.

And by weird I don't mean excessively oh-my-god-we-should-dress-up-ass-bacteria weird. That's for the Japanese and the Japanese alone.

But we're weird. A foreigner would master the term "What the fuck." by the time he gets used to our living customs. We're not outrightly weird but it's the subtleties of the Filipino behaviour that will drive a foreigner crazy. (and yes, pointing at things using your lips and expressing seven different interjections using your eyebrows aren't practiced as much elsewhere)

Take for example a simple case of dining out with other Filipinos. Food is usually shared in large serving containers in a typical table scene. Correct me if I am wrong with my assumption here. We Filipinos, once naturalized with our companions, can turn into "patay gutoms" (life-and-death hungry bastards in local parlance) upon availing of that food.

It's like watching sharks feasting on raw cow meat. Don't get me wrong. This liveliness gives Filipino meals a spirit that you cant easily find elsewhere. By tradition, being energetic in eating as much as you can stuff in your stomach is polite.

But then again, when it comes right down to the last piece, nobody touches it. For every dish served, there's always one piece that gets left over. Whether it's a stick of french fries, a spoonful of rice, a piece of hotdog, a slice of cake - something always has to get left over.

You can split 8 pieces of chicken to 8 people and still find you have one left, defying any reason you can think of.

Forcing people to eat the last piece isn't any more an offer than it is an executive order. People come up with so many excuses before eating it. A foreigner joining such meal would think the last piece is poisoned.

Why? There's so many reasons why that happens, you just accept it that the last piece is high treason on a plate. One of the biggest reasons aside from last-touch-washes-the-plate is that eating the last piece means you're arrogant enough to deserve it. I cant help but think we subconsciously leave that piece behind just to see who the resident asshole of the dining table is.

If you don't believe me, try picking up the last piece and watch the cold-blooded-killer stares. If you're sensitive enough, that last piece will taste like poison.

But then again, leaving something behind upsets all the cosmic forces and will give you bad luck so someone has to do it. Someone has to clear the table.

Someone has to eat the last piece.

And for that, he becomes both the archvillain of the century and the hero who saves the world.
All in one bite. And it happens EVERY FREAKING MEAL.

Wait, did I say weird? I meant insane. My bad.

Technospeaking Sucks

Sometimes I get to thinking that information technology technospeak has warped the English language so badly, it's almost as incomprehensible as an Irishman's English. It's like everything about technospeaking is perfectly sound, but there's enough jargon in every sentence to make the whole speech sound nonsensically retarded to about 95%++ of the human race. Take this for example:

We (I am one of the Spring core developers) always tell people it is not the end of the world if they use Struts (or another web framework) with Spring for lower-layers and the IOC, instead of Spring MVC. That said, having used both Struts and Spring MVC, there is absolutely no question in my mind that unless you can't afford a few extra days to learn Spring MVC (assuming you already know Struts) that Spring MVC is simply a much better choice. The rich binding of HTML form elements to complex nested form or domain objects alone will save large amounts of time compared to Struts's very weak binding. Struts also forces you to use special form objects even if you have perfectly good domain objects. Spring also has relatively sophisticated command and form controllers, and the ability to apply interceptors to controllers, somehting you can't do in struts. Spring is also not tied to JSP, allowing you to use Velocity, Freemarker, or other alternatives to JSP. While JSP 2.0 allows a cleaner web page building experience than previous versions, the reality is it's still got some major issues, such as how weak and crippled JSTL is. I find with JSTL I constantly have to jump through hoops to access model data. There's a number of other areas where Spring MVC is just designed better...

Understand anything? I barely understand half of what's written here. This coming from another programmer using the same language. And no, it's not because I'm conditionally retarded. There just comes a point for some technology (i.e. Java Programming Language) to have a learning curve that's so damn high, you can't understand a sentence without having to search google for a term midway.

I think it's time we got back to our roots. To what communication means. The bare essentials, you know? Like we should avoid complicating very simple things.

As an example, I'd like to translate what's written above to what can easily be understood by all, in seven words:

My penis is larger than your penis.

Yet Another Prologue

This is another prologue of a still untitled sci-fi thriller that's queued in the pipeline right after Wanted: Full-Support Priestess. Setting is modern-day Philippines and the plot is fashioned with a lot of local intricacies, truths, and myths.

I think I'll give this story a title right now.

Altered Amplified Attribution.

Project: AlAmAt

-------------------------------------------------------

Prologue: The Bataan Nuclear Power Plant

Perhaps there is no single government expenditure that is more monumentally disastrous and unsually missed by public scrutiny than the Bataan Nuclear Power Plant project.

The Bataan Nuclear Power Plant (BNP) came about from a presidential decree from the then President Ferdinand Marcos to stem the effects of the 1973 oil crisis by reducing dependency on imported oil.

Sited at Morong, Bataan - a comfortable 68 kilometres north of the national capital of Manila, the BNP was targetted to use some 620 megawatts of power using Westinghouse lightwater reactors at the cost of 600 million dollars. The project was completed in 1984, pending only government payment of 2.3 billion dollars (boosted due to controversial allegations of corruption between goverment and westinghouse officials)

Upon inspection of the powerplant by the Aquino Administration replacing the Marcos Administration, the powerplant as deemed too unsafe for operations and was completely abandoned.

Active enriched uranium stored onsite for use was reportedly sold off to bidders from China in a closed-session bid while the lightwater reactor stays unoperated today at the cost of 150,000 dollars worth of interest and system maintenance.

Further attempts to revive the plan to resurrect the plant have all ended in futility as the new Philippine Constitution of 1986 prevents usage of any form of nuclear power in the country.

There have been plans from both the government and interested corporate parties to convert the derelict plant into a fossil-fuel driven plant for the past ten years but as of writing, there has been no such development.

Debt repayment and maintenance has been the country's single biggest obligation ever since, without the plant ever producing a single watt of usuable electricity for its owners.

According to the latest employment manifesto, the plant employs no fewer than twenty employees, with functions ranging from the shifting perimeter guards to site monitoring engineers required by the IAEA. Among these employees are two geneticists whose job description is to "monitor mutation levels" of its employees from within the plant's bowels.

There are no known stockpiles of radioactive materials onsite in the Bataan Nuclear Powerplant.

Bayanihan

So my sister and I were talking about the lost traditions of the past a few days ago. One of them, she was bayanihan, literally meaning "heroism". As kids we were taught that the best example of this is a group of men trying to move a house using their bare arms.

As a kid I've always questioned motives as to why a house has to be moved specially since back in the day, there wasn't really much "prime estate" to choose from, the only things around you were muddy roads and rice fields. But that's besides the point.

As for the picture being drawn like communist propaganda, don't ask me. I have no fucking idea either.

Anyway, going back to the topic, she told me Filipinos are outsmarting one another now, stealing and scamming their fellowmen. They are not helping each other in the same spirit as the picture shows us anymore.

I looked at the picture hard and figured the puzzle out.

The tradition didn't disappear. We were just reading our cards wrong.

I mean, nobody ever mentioned the house belonged to anyone of those men.

At least, not yet.

I mean, if it takes 3 men to steal/rob/snatch a cellular phone, it's only logistically right to have more men on the job when stealing the house of some douche from the next village.

I imagine poor Mario going back at the end of the day working at the fields screaming:

"Where the FUCK is my house?"

Bayanihan, bitch. Welcome to the Philippines.

Sneezing and God

Hey lookie! Jet's made an internet quiz!

1) When an atheist sneezes, can you say "God Bless You"?
a) Yes, because God wills it.
b) Yes, because it's more of a saying than divine blessing.
c) No, because atheists have their right to their beliefs.
d) No, you should shoot them in the face with a handgun.

2) Does he have a right to be offended?
a) Yes, because you have to respect his beliefs.
b) No, because being offended over something so trivial makes him an oversenstive cock.
c) Dead people cannot be offended. This is a trick question since I answered D for number 1.

I don't know why it has to be an issue when an atheist sneezes or at least why we even bother saying "God bless you" when anybody sneezes for that matter. For atheists, what's the deal? Does not believing in a God require you to act like a total douche in society too by not following customs just so you can break free of the manipulative theocratic rule in our world?

I've already laid my case against the atheists, or at least the badly behaving majority of them. You cocks are ruining it for the remaining 2% of your population. It's like you don't believe in God but you'd rather believe anything else, no matter how much it's just as ridiculous, tarrot cards, palmistry, energy blah blah astrology or some other craphut belief system and still not be able to formulate your own deductions regarding your own beliefs. So start quoting your academic idols against me. I'd love to mentally die of copy-paste poisoning.

As if it can't get worse, they insist that they be treated differently for their beliefs. Like they'd shove it down your throat that hearing the word "God" directed to them is a crime against their rights. They're being overassertive, period. You can't spell assertive without ass and you can't say the sentence "Atheists are overassertive cocks." without mentioning "atheist" and "cock".

And what is up with "God bless you" everytime you sneeze anyway? Don't you mean "SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN YOU'RE SNEEZING!" instead of asking your divine ruler to go bless whoever spat saliva and a couple of thousand bacteria on your face? Stop the hypocrisy and break that stupid tradition.

Can you imagine a God that really reacts to that kind of saying? I can't. It'd look ridiculous no matter how dignified I want to think of it. I can't imagine an all-powerful, all-knowing God saying "Oh man, Jet sneezed and somebody ordered me to bless him. I better do it at once, because who knows, a second sneeze might follow. We dont want that now, do we?"

That's just brontosaurus-retarded.

Oh and please, don't go on ranting about "it's tradition" because jebus, it's stupid. Stupid traditions are meant to die off. You just have to do your part by not passing the retardation on.

God bless you.

Look For Ugly And Love It For Real

Ang hirap siguro maging maganda, hindi madaling magpakumbaba,
na kung ang umaawit pwedeng tumahimik
at ang matalino ay pwedeng magtangatangahan,
ang maganda ay sadyang maganda kahit balibaligtarin mo ang mundo.
Kaaakitan, kaiingitan, kasalanan na hindi maipagkakaila.
Oo, pagkat sa kalawakan ng muhi at pagnanasa,
kasalanan ang ipanganak ka ng maganda
at makita ito ng lahat ng taong hindi makakakamit ng meron ka.

Kasalanan ang maging maganda.

At isang pangit na tulad ko ang iyong kapatawaran.

*padadadadumps dumps demk badumps*

Humanap ka ng panget, at ibigin mong tunay.

Notes for non-Filipino readers:
Once again, please excuse me for being rustic. Normal ESL-standard posting will resume after this post. For translations, message me in YM (redkinoko).

Elevator Action

In life, there are a few things that I see in the movies that I expect to happen to me personally. Saving a damsel in distress is one of them. Getting stuck in an island full of bikini-clad Victoria's Secret models is one of them. Ruling the world aboard a satellite planet constructed out of modeling plastic with enough power to wipe out the earth is one of them.

I'll tell you what's not one of those dreams.

GETTING STUCK INSIDE AN ELEVATOR AS IT PLUMMETS A COUPLE OF FLOORS DOWN, BEING JARRED BY THE EMERGENCY BREAKS KICKING IN, AND HAVING TO EXIT A HALF SUSPENDED ELEVATOR THAT COULD EASILY START FALLING AGAIN AND BREAK MY BODY IN TWO.

*ahem* I never even remotely thought that was possible with all the modern technology we have. Apparently, safety features are for movies. I'd feel like such an action hero right now if I had a leading lady in my arms.

But it's not like I've experienced drops like that before. I regularly ride rollercoasters and those rides that shoot you up in the air and then let your seat freefall with only your harness preventing you from a very embarassing death. No big deal - except that for those occassions, you have a seatbelt on and you can be assured that what's happening is "normal".

Apparently having the same thing done to you on an ordinary elevator isn't as fun. I literally dropped to my knees because of the impact. In fact, it was nowhere near fun. More like "I'm going to have fun mutilating whoever I can blame for this little incident."

So I rode another elevator down (a working one) and headed over to management.

At the management, I was greeted by one of the admin who could easy have won the Grumpies without competition. She was, to my memory, the same wiseass who told me before to keep my own phonelines "safe" so it can't get accidentally cut by their technicians again when I just asked for a simple log system for all workers entering the telcomms closet. What "safe" means, I still don't know. It must be a marijuanna thing.

Anyway, I tell her the elevator 1 is broken. I think part of me died when I heard her reply. "We know. The repairmen arrived earlier. They say it's probably from the broken controls." Great.

So here's a person who actually knows the elevator is broken, and sits idly in front of a TV monitoring system that routinely shows the reaction of people who try to ride the broken ele-fucking-vator.

Am I in a freak reality TV show of sorts? Are those cameras being fed to commercial TV? Is it that much fun to watch people being dropped a couple of floors?

At the back of my head, I tried to rationalize. Maybe she's not that sadistic. Maybe there's a reason for everything. So I ask, "Then why are you still allowing people to use Elevator #1?"

All logic went out of the window after her reply. I was too stunned to even give a nice reply. By nice I mean "So-help-me-god-you-will-be-sleeping-in-the-streets-for-your-stupidity" kind of reply.

She said "A lot of people need to use the elevators. We don't want them inconvenienced."

Right then and there, I was convinced. Satan has a dayjob.

Dead or Alive the Movie (a review)

(alternative title: A Series of Completely Random Events)

I don't see how you can take an eye-candy game filled to the brim with nerd fantasy fetish-flavoured characters and barely any existing story to work with and still go wrong.

I won't say this movie is a failure. It's not. But it's no Oscar-winning entry either. Here are the abridged comments I made during the viewing of the film (by comment, I mean yell-out-loud comments inside a silent theater kind of thing)

- Ayane (far right of the picture) ingame is a cute badass reminiscent of Evangelion's Rei Ayanami. The Ayane in the film looks like that weird American gothtard doing cosplay and failing miserably. Cosplay is a birthright-bestowed activity reserved for Asians. Stereotypes don't just pop out of nowhere, you know.

- Kasumi. Kasumi. Kasumi. (far left) Good work on the hair and makeup. Utter failure in the cupsize department, which is, ironically, probably the real reason why Dead Or Alive the game actually sells twice more than it should. Also, I've never seen Kasumi so dressed in my entire life. I almost feel like she's lost the will to do stripfighting and just turn into a nun. Still, Devon Aoki is cute in the outfit, even though she looks like she hasn't eaten anything in months.

- Hayabusa, Kasumi's pansy brother (a man, so not in the picture) is a joke. Game or movie, doesn't matter. Why do they even bother with this guy? He spends half the movie time in prison and the other half getting beaten up by the bad guys. When he gets rescued by Ayame (who for some gothtard reason digs him), he just disappears even though he was hellbent in rescuing kasumi only 5 minutes before. Behold the power of randomness.

- The bad guy is probably the worst ever. He's really really bad. By bad I don't mean villainy. I mean badly designed. For all the technology and budget in the world, they still managed to create an antagonist that's actually about as intimidating as a cardboard cut-out outside a GNC shop.

- The rest of the ingame characters do cameos. The movie tries to build them up a little by giving them short backstories, but fail to deliver afterwards since nothing ever gets resolved after they get defeated. (you dont even know where they go after they lose in the island tournament)

- The story? What story? First thirty minutes are spent introducing the characters in completely unrelated events. Next thirty minutes are spent showing the characters in sexual innuendos with their "love teams". Whatever is remaining gets spent on booty shots, more booty shots and some semblance of fighting (with lots of booty shots). Some movies have storylines so complex, you get lost in them. Dead or Live has a storyline so random, you just lose the plot entirely.

- This film is not deep or profound so I find it just right to not mention anything about acting - or the lack of it.

Still, given the timetravelling chance of being able to convince my past self 12 hours earlier to not watch the film, I'd let myself watch anyway, because like I said, I don't see how turning an eyecandy game with no story at all into an eyecandy movie with no story at all can go wrong.

You just can't. Like kissing your own elbow.

If there's anything slightly better than random, it's random with lots of tits.

Oh and yeah, this article has spoilers (not that it matters)